The Man on the Corner

It is stinkin' cold today. It's around -24 C and with the windchill, it's supposed to feel like -48 C or so. How does that feel? I don't really know how to describe it but it's not really pleasant. I don't mind the cold too much but the wind makes it hard to deal with. There are 3 things that I hate about cold like this:

1. The warm breath coming out of my mouth finds it's way up to my glasses. It then freezes up and I literally "walk blind."
2. I have to wear a hat which results in hat head. I can be a little vain about my hair. I like it a little pouffy but when I stick a hat on it, it goes really flat and looks bad. Sigh.
3. Cold legs. I know, you might wonder why I don't wear long johns or snow pants. The problem is that when you get into the grocery store, it's hard to take those extra layers off and by the time I'm at the produce section, I'm sweating.

There are other things I don't like about the cold but I don't want to complain. Actually, we Winnipeggers tend to brag about the cold and about how we can survive and even thrive in this climate.

I was driving this week and saw the same man I've seen often before, standing at an intersection near the grocery store. He carries a sign that says something like, I'd rather be working but I can't get a job and this is my only option. On the outside, he looks "normal." He's dressed quite warmly and doesn't even look too shabby. What is it that makes this man stand on a corner, begging for money when it's really too cold to be outside? I'd like to know his story but I'm not yet ready to invite him into my car and go out for coffee.

Sometimes, if I've got a sandwich or some fruit handy, I'll open the window and pass it to him. He takes it and thanks me but I can hardly look him in the eye. At those moments I feel like I'm the one with all the power, the one who has everything going for her and he is reduced to a weak, needy man. I feel really uncomfortable in that situation. Maybe he doesn't know that but at those moments, I can feel really guilty about everything that I have going for me and I am keenly aware that life is not always fair.

I know that we all make choices, good and bad. I also know that an addiction, relationship or health crisis or a layoff is all that separates me from the man on the corner. I once had a friend who I will call Simon, who was married, with 2 children, a mortgage and a good job. He and his wife were having problems and I cared for their children many times while they attended marriage counselling. Despite their efforts, the marriage still fell apart and so did my friend. For a time, he disappeared and I heard that he had been living on the streets. During that time, he was unable to see his young daughters much because there was no place that he could call his own where he could take them. And he was a good dad who loved his girls. Thankfully, he was able to rise above his challenges and is now once again, gainfully employed and has a good relationship with his adult daughters.

When I see the man on the corner, I wonder if he has a community of people who know him, who love him and support him. I believe it was Simon's family, friends and faith community who helped him journey through his pain. It would have been easy for them to judge him and to tell him to "smarten up" but they stood by him, holding him up when he could no longer stand on his own two feet.

The man on the corner reminds me that I am not so different from him. He also reminds me that it is important for me to remain connected not only to my family but also to the community of which I have chosen to be a part.

And he reminds me that there are no easy answers because I still don't know what I should do when I see him on the corner.

Music and my Aging Ears

I asked for, and received an MP3 player for Christmas. It holds about 120 songs and can receive FM signals.

I thought it would be good to have at the gym as the music there is TERRIBLE! I know I sound like my mother but did my music, when I was a teenager sound that bad to her? It couldn't have. At least there were lyrics and melodies and you could sing along. With the music they play at my gym, either I can't hear the words or they're so bad, they make me blush. What's more is that very few people are younger than 30 when I am at the gym. I'd guess that most of them don't like the music either.

So, I thought having my own music would be good.

There are a few problems though. I don't know very many songs or musicians. I downloaded 10 songs yesterday but I gotta tell you that Bach's "Air on a G String" or Debussy's "Claire de Lune" don't really help me get my heart rate up. They tend to slow me down. I need something fast and peppy.

There are televisions at the gym too. I guess they are supposed to help us pass the time. If you tune into a certain spot on the FM dial, you can hear what's on TV. Did that this morning too with little success. The headphones don't block out sound very well so I was listening to the TV while the "music" was pounding loud. My heart rate was going up alright, along with my blood pressure.

I think I sound like my dad.

Maybe I'm just too old for an MP3 player. They say that as you age, it becomes more difficult for you to block out and ignore background sounds. I'm finding that's true for me. It's no wonder that the older people complain about noise more than the younger ones. I'm beginning to understand. I hear the music on my player but I also hear all the other sounds too and it can drive me nuts!

I haven't given up on the MP3 player yet. I'll try to download some of my kind of music that will help me get movin'. I filled in and submitted one of those suggestion cards at the gym so we'll see if we get anywhere with that.

I'll keep going though. It's been almost a year since I joined Shapes and it has been good for my physical and mental health. I guess I'll just have to work out a little harder to get the stress of being at the gym out of my system.

A Great Sport

There is nothing more Canadian than lacing up your skates and going out to the pond. When I skate, I just glide around the ice and don't bother to play hockey because it has never really caught my interest. I don’t care to watch it unless it’s the Olympics or the Stanley Cup playoffs

However, last week, I actually played hockey. Twice.

I have skated since I was a little girl but never did I play hockey. In the opinion of many people in the 60’s and 70’s, hockey was for boys. In more recent years, we have gone skating with friends and what tends to happen is that the men and children (boys and girls) play hockey while the women skate around. This has suited me just fine because it seems to me that playing hockey with men and boys over the age of 10 can be very dangerous.

The first time I played the game was at Pinewood Lodge. This is a lovely place in Whiteshell Provincial Park on the shores of Dorothy Lake. In addition to the indoor pool, hot tub and steam room, there are lots of outdoor winter activities to be enjoyed. There is a pond which is available for skating and ice hockey, a small tobogganing hill, trails for walking, snowshoeing, cross country skiing and snowmobiling. One afternoon, a number of our group decided to play a game of hockey. Last year when we played, a goalie was needed, so Chelsea and I volunteered. Because we didn’t have sticks, we used snow shovels to protect the goal. We only let a few in. I had such a good time that this year I decided that I would join in the game with a real hockey stick. It was pretty dangerous but I managed to remain uninjured and even scored a couple of goals and assists.

The second time I played hockey was Friday night when a friend of mine organized an informal game of hockey for women only. What a blast we had! We were not very good. We’d miss a perfect pass; we’d be 2 feet in front of the goal and miss; some of us had trouble stopping so we’d just glide into the boards. We cheered for every save and every goal as well as any good pass that happened. We made a lot of noise. There was a group of people (all male) playing around with pucks and sticks. When there was a break in our play, all we could hear was the swish of skates on the ice and the sound of wood hitting the puck from the other group. When we started playing, there was laughter, cheering and all sorts of noise. There was also a lot of good natured competition.

We all agreed that we’d like to do it again. We also realized that our skating improved while we were playing. By focusing less on our skating, our bodies began to do what felt natural. What a great sport. I think I’ll start watching “Hockey Night in Canada” for pointers.

Here is our group photo:

Happy New Year!

A New Christmas Tradition

For all of my life, our big family Christmas event happened on Christmas eve. My dad would come home early, we'd play games and then eat a massive turkey with all the fixings. As a matter of fact, one year the turkey was so big that it didn't fit into the oven (this is the absolute truth) so my mom asked the local baker, who happened to be a friend of ours if she could cook the bird in one of his ovens. He graciously complied.

There was another time when mom had put the bird into the oven and a little later, we went to church. We came home after 1 1/2 hours only to realize that the oven wasn't working. I think we still had "the old stove" which still had a working oven which cooked the turkey nicely. I seem to recall eating around 11:00 PM that day.

We have kept the Christmas eve tradition for our family here in Winnipeg too. It has always worked well, until this year. We decided to have a church service on Christmas eve rather than Christmas day. This made it difficult for us (there are about 20 of us who are part of our family group) to find a day to "do the turkey thing." We'll be having our turkey dinner tomorrow evening, on January 1. But for Christmas, we decided to have brunch, rather than a dinner. This way those of our family who had other Christmas dinners to attend could spend some time with us all on Christmas day.

It was a lovely brunch and we ended up staying the whole day at George and Yvonne's. We agreed that the brunch was a great idea and I think it won't be too hard for us to agree to begin a new tradition.

I am so grateful for the family I have. I can hang out with them for a whole day and then look forward to seeing them all again the next day. I really don't tire of them. And I don't think they tire of me either. At least I've never been sent home.

Yet another reason why I don't do christmas baking...

This is my rather pathetic attempt at shortbread cookies with chocolate drizzle. However, I must say that they do taste pretty good.

I Know What I'm Getting

I know what I'm getting for Christmas. Wes and I are going out this afternoon to pick it out. We have decided that we will purchase bikes for ourselves. There are some great sales on now. Stores are getting rid of their 2006 inventory. That doesn't matter much to us because Wes used his bike for 27 years and I've had mine for about 20 years. After a couple of bike rides, it won't matter if we have an '06 or '07 model. These bikes will probably last us 20+ years too.

The main reason for purchasing the bikes is the fact that we are finally going to take our 25th anniversary trip this fall. That anniversary was 2 years ago and it just didn't work out for us to go away for a couple of weeks but it looks like it will work for us in 2007.

So what do bikes have to do with our anniversary?

We plan to take a 7 day bicycle trip in Tuscany. (Every time I say that sentence I get all weak kneed and butterflyish in my stomach. I cannot believe how excited I am about this trip! It is honestly, a dream come true.) We need bikes so that we can train and be prepared for the trip.

This is no back pack kind of trip. The tour organizers send our bags to our daily destination so all we need is what is required for the day. I am looking forward to seeing a beautiful part of the world and also meeting people from other countries on this tour.

We have talked about this trip for several years but I was afraid it would never happen. It really sounds like it is almost too good to be true. For us, this will be a trip of a lifetime.

Until I go to Africa with Heather.

Freezies

Michele mentioned freezies in her post the other day and that reminded me of a cute kid story.

I too had those freezies in my freezer and frequently doled out quite a large number to the neighbourhood kids.

One day I had been out for the morning when I came home and realized that I had forgotten to lock the door. I entered slowly and saw that everything seemed in place and it looked like nothing was stolen. But when I got into the kitchen, I saw a chair right in front of the frig, scissors on the counter and the ends of two freezies. I was puzzled. The chair, scissors and freezie ends were not there when I left. Had Ben grabbed a couple just before we left? That was impossible because I had been with him all the time.

The answer suddenly dawned on me. I went outside to talk to David, Ben's little friend who was probably 4 years old at the time. I asked him if he had eaten a freezie that morning and he said he had. I then asked him where he got the freezie and he replied matter of factly that he had gotten it from my house. Apparently he knocked and when no one answered, he tried the door which was unlocked and proceeded to help himself and his sister to a freezie. He knew where I kept the freezies and the scissors which I used to cut the tops off.

I found it all hilarious and very clever. David's responses to my questions were straightforward and I believe that he felt he didn't do anything wrong. I guess any other time he asked me for a freezie, I would give him one. If I wasn't home, he would just help himself.

His mom did not find it quite as funny as I did and told David that he was never to do that again. I don't believe he ever did and besides, I was not in the habit of keeping my door unlocked when I went out so there was no opportunity for him to do it.

David is 24 by now I think. I wonder if he remembers?

All Cleaned Up

Heather was talking about being blessed. I am feeling so blessed today and I'd like to share some of my blessings with you. Several months ago a couple friends of mine (Keith and Stephanie) moved to St. Lucia to work for a Baha'i mission. They decided that they would give away most of their possessions before they left as they are making steps to simplify their lives.

Keith is an artist and he generously allowed me to go through his stack of art. I chose several watercolour pieces and here are 2 of them. They look like angels to me. I just got them framed and picked them up yesterday. I feel like I've been given a wonderful gift from them. I will remember them everytime I look at the paintings.

Today Kristen and I started and almost finished my Christmas shopping. We had a lot of fun. That is a blessing. As some of you may recall, we had some real challenges last spring. We are enjoying one another's company a lot these days as she is only working part time these days.

I had coffee with a friend last Friday. It's been a while since I've done that but somehow, after we parted ways, I was left feeling so blessed and honoured to have a friend like her. I heard the loving voice of God coming out of her mouth.

Sarah McLachlan CD. Beautiful.

There are so many more things I'm thankful for but these are the ones that come to my mind right now.

I'll leave you all with a parting blessing from God himself:

"The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

Numbers 6:24-26

Our Christmas Tree

There are several people in my life who have said/written lately that they just don't feel like putting up a Christmas tree. Everyone has different reasons and I respect them.


I however, love to have a Christmas tree in my house although I don't particularly like putting it up or decorating it. We purchased ours on Friday night and by 3:30 Saturday afternoon, it was up and decorated. I had two meetings on Saturday so I had nothing to do with it. Wes did it all, the sweetie.



It's beautiful, with a straight trunk and very tall. Tall enough for our high ceilings.



Unfortunately, while it's been looking just lovely for several days, this morning, this happened. I can't blame it on anything. I was talking on the phone and heard the crash. That's all. Nobody, not even Sammy was close by.


I will post the "fixed up" tree when it's fixed up (when Wes gets home).

Random Thoughts

• I just bought a new CD. It's Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong CD. What a beautiful CD. And it doesn't have "Oh Holy Night" on it. Thank goodness.
• We bought our Christmas tree yesterday. I was away today until about 3:30 so Wes ended up decorating the whole thing. It looks lovely and smells divine. I think we'll stick to real trees.
• Right now, I'm listening to my new CD while Wes is cooking supper, Kristen is sitting next to me working on a gift for CJ and Tim's around somewhere. It is a very peaceful, sweet Saturday afternoon. I am blessed.
• Tonight we are going to the symphony with some friends of ours and out for late night snacks afterwards. It will be a lovely evening.
• I had a music team practise this afternoon. It was wonderful. It amazes me how a bunch of amateurs can sound so good when they all work together.
• I want to memorize the music to "The Christmas Song" this year.
• I took Sammy to the vet yesterday. He has some skin problems-rashes and such. Apparently, rashes are fairly common in Cocker Spaniels. Taking him to the vet is no problem but when they refer to him as "Sammy Postma," I feel really weird.
• Sammy seems to be feeling more comfortable today than he has been for the last week.
• This past week Michele and I did a fairly big catering job. It was such fun! The recipients of our cooking were very encouraging with their comments. What was especially good was that Kristen and Chelsea (my neice) helped out. I am impressed with how well they worked and with how much fun we all had.

NaBloPoMo

I'm kind of sorry that National Blog Posting Month is over. Not for me because I was finding it hard to post every day. I miss it because everytime I check for new posts, there are none. You bloggers who I love to read are not posting every day anymore and I miss that. So, I'm going to keep trying, just so that you have a new blog to look forward to from me.

I will not post every day. That's just too tough. And this week especially, there won't be a lot of time. Michele and I are catering a few jobs this week and we'll be pretty busy shopping, cooking and serving. It will be lots of fun though.

Today, Wes and I finally, almost, finished one of the chairs that I started reupholstering last spring. The chair is actually looking pretty good. Next week we'll start the second one. By January, we'll have all kinds of chairs to sit in.

Making up for not posting every day in November...

In my last post I mentioned that I am trying to create a place in my home where I (and others) can pray and meditate. I have a chair, table and a blanket to keep me warm. I hope to have some candles in there as well as a fish aquarium to help create a mood of peace and serenity.

Any other ideas about what I can include in my spot? What are things that help you to focus on God and your spirituality?

Thrift Store Shopping

I do not usually go to thrift stores unless I am dropping something off. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that I so seldom find anything that works for me. One of the last times I shopped at a thrift store, I found 2 shirts for sale that I already owned, were hanging in my closet and I still wore. That was so depressing I vowed never to go in again.

I do go on occassion. On Tuesday, I had something to drop off and thought I'd go in and have a look. We have a lovely little room in our house that I call the turret room. It is octagonal in shape with 5 huge windows. When we bought the house, I said that I wanted to turn it into a prayer room or meditation room. Alas, we had to put the TV in there.

Today, the room is empty, the TV is tucked away in a room upstairs and I can finally create my oasis. Hence the visit to the thrift store. I found a round table that with a table cloth will be perfect for a candle or something. $15.00. And the thrift store is run by MCC with a lot of people volunteering their time so even my $15.00 will be put to good use.

I also found 2 prints. Having just had some paintings framed, I know the value of a frame and mat. The prints themselves were not something that I would choose but I could see that they had been professionally framed. I decided to buy the pair ($15.00) and just replace the print. When I got home and looked at them again, I realized that they would look perfect in my living room-as is. They are botanical prints with colours that are just right. So, I'll hang them up without changing anything.

I think I'll shop at thrift stores more often.

Headline in the Free Press today: "Billion pounds recycled."

Wow! That's good. Something to cheer about. We Manitobans have now recycled one billion pounds (467 million kilograms) since 1995. The increase is approximately 3.4 percent over last year.

As I read this I thought that Manitobans have finally jumped on the recycling bandwagon. We've been slower than other provinces. Finally, we have our act together.

"The jump is probably due to a solid economy, as people toss more containers into blue boxes when they buy more goods, MPSC (Manitoba Product Stewardship Corporation) general manager Jim Fogg surmised.

"The economy has been strong, and that means people consume more," said Fogg."

Suddenly, I don't feel like cheering quite so loudly.

The Neighbours

Our neighbours have lived in the house next door for about 3 years. When the previous owners told us they sold their house to an exotic dancer, we were a little concerned, although her occupation was just a rumour. I met her briefly that first summer and grew more concerned when I realized that her brother, who she had left in charge while she was in Toronto working, did nothing to curb the weeds or the grass. The house was looking run down and in disrepair.

By the end of the summer, the brother had been kicked out and Angela invited 2 friends of hers to live in the house and care for it while she was away. One of the men lives on the 3rd floor, in his own suite and the other in the basement. The main and second floors are designated for Andrea and her son.

I was a little concerned about this turn of events too. There were always all kinds of people coming and going, men mostly. But I began to notice that when they came, they worked. Slowly, the house began to look like a home. They painted the trim, opened the pool, planted flowers, mowed the lawn and fixed and painted the garage.

Another thing I noticed was that these people were friendly. If I was outside, they would often come over and we'd talk gardening or weather or dogs. They were hard workers. When Andrea was home, we'd often chat about the challenges of owning a home, the behaviour of our dogs and all kinds of things people talk about. Another thing I noticed was that these men LOVED Andrea. They adore her and this summer, I asked her how she did it. She just smiled and proceeded to tell me about how wonderful her friends are.

Andrea is down to earth and friendly. Somehow, she has created a home for John, a chubby bartender with bad teeth and Ted, the manager of a video game store. A couple of men who have had some hard times and their friend, the construction worker who is there almost every day doing construction work.

Before she moved in, I worried about what kind of neighbour this would be-an exotic dancer of all things. Now, I can say that these are some of the best neighbours we have ever had. Certainly more friendly and approachable than the previous owners who, on the outside seem more "normal." And far better than the neighbours in the house we lived in before this one.

Today, they just did the greatest thing. John, Ted, the construction worker guy and another person I don't know, just cleared 10-15 cm of snow off our whole driveway! They must have spent almost 2 hours at it. First snowblowing and then cleaning it up with shovels. Wes said they did a better job than he'd ever do.

Can't ask for better neighbours than that, don't you think?

I think I'll bake them some cookies tonight.

Piano Tuned

Oh sweet music.

I just got my piano tuned and I just love it. It's a little like washing your sheets and then getting into bed and feeling like the sheets are new.

I will go and play my piano now.

November 26

So, I gotta post something today. I've failed at Noblopomo or whatever it is. I had every intention of posting every day but then my life got boring.

I could give you a short synopsis of a typical day but you'd be rolling your eyes by the time I got to 11:00 AM. While I am quite content with how my life is playing out these days, to write about it would be boring.

As some of you may have noticed, Wes, my husband read my Thursday Thirteen blog and left a comment suggesting that he would like to look at the chair I loved. We did that yesterday and... we bought the chair! I can't post a picture of it yet because it has been ordered and will get here in several weeks. Maybe I should post my Christmas list on line and Wes will read it...

Today, we put new hardware on our freshly painted dressers. They look great, don'tcha think? For less than $200.00 we got what looks like brand new dressers. I am thrilled and very thankful to my BIL George who sprayed them for us.

Thursday Thirteen

1. I have attended a centering prayer time at the University of Winnipeg several times over the last few weeks. It is a good time to slow down my mind and think about God and other things holy.
2. Thursday is my "big gym" day. I do a power class with barbells and weights and then a class called "centergy" which is a combination of pilates and yoga. I am amazed that I can actually get through them.
3. Tim didn't have classes this afternoon so he's home. You can always tell when Tim's home because he is either whistling, singing, listening to music or playing the guitar. Guess what Tim is passionate about.
4. Supper times are becoming fun again. For much of the summer, Wes and I ate alone. Now, we have 2 international high school students living with us and Tim and Kristen are frequently home for supper too. I love the conversation that we have around the table.
5. While the weather has gotten a lot colder, today was still a beautiful day. Cold, crisp and sunny.
6. I planted about 120 tulip, narcissus, anemone and other assorted bulbs yesterday, November 22. I didn't think I'd get any of them planted.
7. I bought a large metal star the other day, spray painted it white, added some glitter and garland and will be putting it on my front door. I am very pleased with my creation. I am also a little surprised because I am not very crafty.
8. Sammy, our cocker spaniel had a bath yesterday. He doesn't stink today so I don't mind if he comes up to me and rubs my leg.
9. I went shopping with Kristen yesterday, at Osborne Village. It was a gorgeous day to be outside and we had a good time together. I also saw a chair that I LOVED! Sigh. I am usually more content when I don't shop.
10. Thursdays we run a food bank at our church. I just love working with the people there and serving the clients who come. We serve soup, coffee and cookies because it starts at 6:00 PM and several of the clients come directly from work or school. We have made some good friends and good soup.
11. I started knitting myself a scarf out of silk yarn. The colours are just beautiful.
12. Today, I'm going to help friends with some painting. They are moving this weekend and want to get the painting done.
13. When I am home on Thursday nights, I watch Grey's Academy and ER. I will miss them both tonight.

Welcome Lurkers

I would like to welcome a couple of lurkers that I have just learned about.

They are not particularly computer savy although one of them has taken a computer course. They probably didn't know what a blog was until they started reading mine. Together they make a pretty good team. One of them knits while the other reads the blogs out loud. One of them has a few useless fingers but is quite able to use the good fingers to turn on the computer and find his way around the keyboard, albeit slowly, in the hunt and peck manner.

Their computer isn't particularly powerful and they are still on dial-up so if you try to call them and their line is busy, they're probably on-line.

I never thought they'd ever read my blog. I didn't think that people in their 70's, who have never been into technology (you should see their TV) would actually read blogs.

I guess you CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

Welcome to the blogging world mom and dad!

Novmeber 18

Grey Cup Sunday!

I actually gave my ticket away to CJ, Kristen's boyfriend. Instead I was at the MTS Centre where 500 people who receive food from Winnipeg Harvest were able to watch the game on the Jumbotrons. The caterers from the centre donated a fabulous buffet (which we helped serve) and there were many other sponsors who gave door prizes, snacks and other fun stuff. It was a great party.

So, I still was able to watch the game and managed to stay warmer than the rest of the family too.

This one made me laugh

I don't have much energy to write a new post today. I was at the Prairie Leadership Development Network weekend. It was just great but I am a bit tired. I will leave you with a great joke that Jae told me this weekend.

What do you call a bad Mennonite poet?

Corny Reimer

guess where we're going on sunday!

My Favourite Piece of Jewellry

Heather posted some of her jewellry and I thought I'd show you my favourite piece. It is not expensive but I love the setting. My parents gave it to me for my 16th birthday and it is one of the few things I own from my youth. I am not into saving things and I am not terribly nostalgic about stuff so it is pretty cool to still have it. The stone is a Peridot, very pale green, which is the birthstone for August.

Wednesday's Wonderings

1. I wonder what a tower crane operator does if he has to go to the bathroom. It's an awfully long way down and then back up the crane.
2. I wonder if I should do something when I see a drug sale happening right in front of my nose.
3. I wonder what will happen to the cute little girl in the stroller whose father was being escorted out of Portage Place Mall by security this afternoon.
4. I wonder if there is something wrong with me when I need to wear a coat and hat or if there is something wrong with the crazy guy who is walking downtown with only a tee shirt and jeans.
5. I wonder if I'll ever get the painting done in this house.
6. I wonder why Eric never leaves me a comment.
7. Or Micah.
8. I wonder if we'll have snow for Christmas.
9. I wonder how long the island in the kitchen will remain clear and uncluttered.
10. I wonder how often I should mop my new kitchen floor. You cannot see the dirt on it at all so I don't know how dirty it is. And I don't want to mop unless it's absolutely necessary.

I read this today and thought that it was profound.

at the centre of our being is a point of nothingness

which is untouched by sin and by illusion,

a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to god...

this little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty

is the pure glory of god in us...

it is like a pure diamond,

blazing with the invisible light of heaven.

it is in everybody, and if we could see it

we would see these millions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely.

thomas merton

and...

"Let there always be quiet, dark churches in which people can take refuge....Houses of God filled with his silent presence. There, even when they do not know how to pray, at least they can be still and breathe easily."

Introducing... Alisha, my niece, to the blogging world.

What's Your Favourite Meal?

A few days ago I was talking with Michele about a favourite meal. We both like to cook and enjoy trying new flavours and foods so it was a little hard to know just what would be my favourite.

I think for me that it doesn't really matter what is actually cooked. I just love anything that someone else cooks for me, as long as it's from scratch. It can be as simple as meat, veggies and potatoes.

For a few years, when our kids were playing a lot of sports, I would often be the parent who spent Saturdays in the gym, watching the tournaments while Wes would be at home, "holding down the fort" as it were. Frequently, especially when our team was doing well, we wouldn't be finished playing until late afternoon or even early evening. On our way home, we would be hungry and tired and when we walked in the house, supper would be cooked, the table would be set and there might even be a glass of wine by my plate. Those were the best dinners for me.

There was another time when Wes, Rob, Michele and I went to an out of town funeral. Yvonne and George had not yet moved to Winnipeg but they were visiting. When we got home from the funeral, around 7:30 PM, Yvonne had prepared a delicious, lovely, tasty meal for us. All I remember is that she made an amazing chef's salad. I don't remember anything else. It was such a wonderful thing to come home to after an emotionally draining day. It also happened to be my birthday that day and so the gift of the meal was doubly special.

I'd like to encourage all my blogger friends (and even you lurkers) to tell me about your favourite meal. It could be one that you've already had or maybe you have an idea of "the perfect meal" and you can blog about what that looks and tastes like.

Lest We Forget

Happy Birthday Eric!

Wow. Michele already posted about Eric's birthday so I better get going here.

Eric is 23 years old today. It's interesting when I look at him and all my children. I see the young man that he is but I also see the baby, toddler, adolescent and teen, all in the same package. It's hard for me to exactly describe what I see in my children. There is a love that is different for them than for anyone else; there is a sense of awe that these are really my offspring and, how did it happen that I have 4 adult children? I still feel like a kid myself!

Last year I posted for his birthday and in some ways, not much has changed except for a few things. He has a new car. He's in his final year of college. He's still living with Justin and Nicole. He still plays electric guitar, acoustic guitar and mandolin but even better than last year. He and Thomas made some amazing potato guns this spring.

And there are lots of things that I don't know about him too. That's a good thing. A mother really doesn't want to know everything about her kids. I prefer to be in denial.

Eric's always been really good with younger children. He has been part of our Children's Community at the church for a long time and I think kids know that when he hangs out with them, he's having as good a time as they are. He's playing with Aslan's Child again this year and is really excited about that.

Tonight, we'll be having a dessert party around 7:30 for Eric. If you're in the neighbourhood, or even if you're not, take a trip down to our place to wish him a Happy Birthday! I'll leave you with a few pictures.

Don't ya just want to eat him up?

This is when Eric got really cool. Notice the amazing belt buckle he is wearing.

Last Christmas, Eric was thrilled to receive this cookbook. A man who enjoys cooking is a pleasure to have around.

Taking Some Time to Thank Someone

About 7 years ago we had to sell our cute little 5 speed Honda and the truck we owned. It's a long story that I won't go into but our income was cut in half overnight and we had to make some big adjustments. We ended up with a 10 year old Cutlass Cierra (the good car) that Wes drove and a 15 year old Toyota (my car).

I liked the Toyota but after owning it for a few months, we had to replace the engine as well as deal with several other expensive repairs. Once we had a new engine, the car was great and I really enjoyed driving it.

About 2 weeks after all the work was done, I was heading to church on a Sunday morning when someone rear-ended me at a stop light. He was going very fast and actually pushed my car across 3 lanes of traffic. I remember calmly looking at the cars coming towards me and thinking, "So, this is how it's going to end." I was not so calm when I stepped out of the car and started yelling at the idiot who did this to me. (Note to Michele: I think this was a time when you'd agree that yelling was an acceptable response.)

Obviously it didn't end because I'm still here. Surprisingly (miraculously) I didn't even have any whiplash, nor did Kristen or her little friend who were in the back seat.

No, what I was worried most about was how I was going to replace this car. Money was very scarce for us at the time and I had heard of so many bad stories about MPI (Manitoba Public Insurance) that I was certain that I would not get enough money from them to purchase another vehicle.

When I met with the insurance adjuster, I brought along all of the car repair receipts and told him that I felt the car was worth $5,000.00. He took the receipts and told me that he'd call me in a few days.

Sure enough, he called me in a few days and told me that I would get $5,ooo.00. I was ecstatic, never expecting that I would get exactly what I had hoped for. The adjuster was a compassionate man and my experience was so positive that I wrote a thank you note to him.

One day there was a message on our voice mail from the adjuster. He called to thank me for the thank you note. He actually gushed a little. I don't think insurance adjusters get many thank you notes. They get mostly criticism (at times, well deserved). But this time, I was treated so well and received a fair price for my car, I thought that a thank you card was in order. I'll bet he still has that card stuck on his bulletin board at work.

The point of this story? I think that a thank you note is such a small little thing but it can make someone's day. Especially someone who seldom gets positive feedback from the people he deals with. And writing these kinds of notes gives me a good feeling too, a feeling that I am somehow passing on a small bit of kindness to someone who needs it.

Does writing comments on other blogs count for nablopomo? I hope so because that's all I'm doing today.

Yvonne's New Job

Blogging every day can be a challenge! Today, because nothing much exciting happens in my life, I will blog on behalf of my dear sister, Yvonne. She says every now and then that she should start a blog but has never started one. She is what we bloggers call, "a lurker." She reads a number of blogs regularly.

"Yesterday, I started a brand new job.

It was amazing how it all worked out. I was talking with a friend at church who was sharing how the receptionist in her husband's dental office quit, the day after she had finished all of her free dental work. I think that they were feeling used. Linda was saying that they wanted someone responsible and reliable and would I like to work for them?

I gave it some thought, talked to my husband George, kids and my sisters and went for an interview on Friday, November 3. Monday (yesterday) I started my training.

I have never done anything like this before. I have worked in retail for many years at quilt shops and was a favourite teacher at quilting classes*. As a matter of fact, I'm a very gifted quilter.* But I'm pretty smart* and learn things quickly*. I am also very responsible and reliable*.

This is a full-time position for me and I'm looking forward to it. The benefits are great and I will get every other Monday off so that I can still go to Winnipeg Harvest to prepare lunch with my sisters, Linda and Michele. One thing that sucks is that I will not see my sisters as much during the week and Linda will have to haul her butt to the gym on her own.

Last weekend, I cooked 5 meals, baked cookies, a dessert and bought some work clothes. Of the 3 sisters, I am the most organized one* so I think, with some help from my family, this new job will work out really well. And Brad and Linda will be great people to work for."

A great* picture of Yvonne and George. (Yvonne's on the right)

*Because this is MY (Linda's) blog I can include what I want. Yvonne is much too humble to say these things herself.

November 6

Gotta post today. As Dale so kindly reminded me, I did not post last Friday but he (and others) may not have noticed that I posted TWICE on Saturday which makes up for the lack of Friday post. Harrumph.

The house is pretty quiet now except for the sound of the dishwasher and Tim playing his guitar. Pleasant sounds after a busy day. I don't have a lot of energy now and there's laundry that has to be folded but here are a few thoughts flitting through my mind right now.

• I'm sorry the Bombers lost yesterday. It would have been so cool to have the home team playing at the Grey Cup.
• We had Monday night dinner here today. Have I mentioned how much I love Monday nights? The whole, extended family comes here for dinner and even the girlfriends and boyfriends are great.
• Kim performed a couple of songs for us tonight. Beautiful.
• Michele and I volunteered at Winnipeg Harvest today. Yvonne usually does too but she just started a new job and wasn't able to come. I love the people at Winnipeg Harvest. I worked there for about 4 years and a couple of days after I quit the kids said that I didn't have any good stories to tell them at the supper table anymore. At Winnipeg Harvest there was always something bizzare, odd, hilarious or gross happening. Every day.
• We now have 2 international students living with us. Medardo is from Mexico and Nik is from Germany. I was afraid having 2 would seem a little overwhelming but I actually really like it. They get along and they are both great guys. I'm enjoying having them around.
• The weather today was warm (for November) cloudy and a little rainy. It reminded me of winter days in S. Ontario, where I grew up. Give me a cold, sunny day anytime.

That's all folks. Nothing too exciting happening here but life is good.

Church

I love my church community. Sunday mornings I often can't wait to get there to see what our musicians will sing, what our pastor (my BIL) will say and what other interesting and creative things the Service Planning and Implementation team has added.

The building is nothing to look at except for the amazing mural we have painted on the side of it. It has no steeple, pews or organ and the carpet is so stained, it's starting to get to me. It's kind of cluttered and the walls have scuff marks and scratches from the wheelchairs. The kitchen needs a lot of work. And it seems to me that on many Sundays, I end up with a broken chair. Sometimes, I dream about a beautifully decorated building with new chairs, new carpeting and a new kitchen.

But then I remember the church that I used to attend and the day that all the children (only the kids mind you) were told to remove their muddy footwear because they would dirty the carpet. And the feeling I would get when I walked into the place and wasn't sure if I was allowed to sit on the couch.

Give me a dirty carpet any day. Give me a place where kids are allowed to run and play; a place where the participants of Community Venture (a Salvation army program for mentally and physically challenged adults) can play floor hockey; a place where an amazing costume party can be held on Saturday, followed by an inspiring service on Sunday.

I love the people including John, the old bachelor who doesn't usually smell too fresh, the family from Nigaragua who can barely speak English, the pastor's wife (my dear sister) who doesn't look or act like a pastor's wife but is one of the most spiritual, honest and funny people I know. I love my blogger friends (you know who you are) and all the broken people who make up our motley crew of people. Some are long time born again Christians, some are brand new Christians and some (quite a few actually) aren't really sure where they stand on the God and Jesus thing. They only know that they like what happens in our building and want more of it.

More than anything, we encourage people to ask questions and to wonder about God and spirituality. We don't try to fit them into any kind of a mold or force them to dress or act in a certain way. We don't tell them that once they become a Christian all their problems disappear. Most of us have experienced too much disappointment, loss and pain to believe that for a second.

What we try to do is to laugh with each other, cry with each other and support one another in any way we can. And in doing so, we reflect the incredible love that God has for everyone of us.

We are far from perfect. There is a lot that we don't do well but there are enough things that are good about this place that keep me coming back. Never does a Sunday go by where I don't learn something about God or myself.

It is a place where I experience life, love, community, joy and peace. A place where Jesus is becoming more and more real to me.

A place where I belong.

New Boots

Yesterday, I left my new boots by the back door and when Tim, my 19 year old son came in and saw them, he said, "I see Kristen bought a new pair of boots."

I am one cool mom, wouldn't you say?

Back in Canada

Most times, when I am in a strange city, I'm with Wes and he does the driving. He doesn't mind and I'm just as happy to sit in the passenger seat and keep my eyes open for whatever it is we're looking for.

This last trip in Fargo, I did all the driving. Kristen, like me was happy to let me do the driving and she just watched for street signs and such. Most of our driving was good and I was feeling comfortable in this city. It helps that the laws, signs and traffic are much the same in the US as in Canada. We did have a moment though where I was afraid that we might not make it home without a serious mishap.

We were looking for a restaurant for supper and when we saw it, I went into the left lane to get into the parking lot. Once I got there however, I realized that this was not the right entrance and I had to go to the next opening in the boulevard.

So I kept driving. Everything seemed okay until I noticed the left turn sign, painted on the road was upside down and pointing in the opposite direction that it should have been. And while the boulevard was on my left earlier, it was now on my right.

Have you ever had a moment where the truth of what was happening to you dawned on you very slowly and suddenly you realized you were in a very vulnerable position with no way of getting out? That's what happened to me. I was in the left turn lane alright but it was the lane for oncoming traffic. Cars that had to turn left were coming towards me and there was nothing, absolutely nothing I could do. I calmly said to Kristen that I thought I was in the wrong lane and WHAT SHOULD I DO? I CAN'T MOVE BECAUSE ALL THE CARS ARE COMING TOWARDS ME AND I SHOULD TURN THE THING ON!

Without missing a beat, Kristen turned on the hazard lights. (It's a good thing she understood what I was trying to say.) She remained very calm, a character trait that reminds me of her dad. I think she even told me to relax or something but I was too busy being hysterical to rememeber what exactly she said.

We stayed there, in the wrong lane for what seemed like a long time, but in reality was probably only 15 seconds and when there was a break in traffic, I did a quick U-turn. Whew.

And that was enough excitement for that day.

November 2

Today, we shopped till we dropped.

As you can see, there were quite a few purchases that Kristen and I made. I'm afraid we'll be over the $250.00 per person that we are allowed tax free. Hopefully we'll have a friendly customs officer who will wave us through. I got a pair of boots and a coat, 2 things that I was hoping to buy. Kristen got some jeans, a cute pair of shoes and some work pants. Both of us were able to purchase the things that we had hoped to get so it has been a pretty successful shopping trip thus far.

A few more things we've noticed about North Dakota:

• Kristen noticed that the guys who work at Abercrombie and Fitch are generally quite hot.
• I discovered a store that I love. Coldwater Creek . Too bad it's not in Canada.
• We saw very few visible minorities. Almost everyone we saw was caucasian.
• In Canada, when you are carrying clothing that you'd like to try on, a salesperson will take it off your hands and start you a change room. They don't do that here. You carry all the clothes you want to try on and take them to a fitting room yourself.
• When it comes right down to it, West Acres Mall is not all that different from any mall in Canada.

That's all for now folks. I think we'll visit Abercrombie and Fitch again either tonight or tomorrow.

Just to look.

Happy Hallowe'en

Hello. My name is Linda and I hate hallowe'en.

That's right. I hate it. My creativity does not extend to making costumes out of popsicle sticks and cotton balls and everytime October 31 came around, I was reminded of my inadequacies. My procrastination would find me going nuts in the morning of the 31st, trying to find something that would fit over a snowsuit in case of cold weather or not, in case of warm.

And the candy. How can a candy addict possibly hand out candy to children and not eat at least half of it? My stomach would be aching and my tongue would be hurting from all the sugar.

I am so glad that I don't have to deal with any of that anymore. Last year only very few children came by our house so yesterday, for the first time in my life, I did what all the grouches do. I turned out the lights and pretended I wasn't home. I know. I'm an ogre. Too bad. I hate hallowe'en.

I was also a lazy mom. Allowing them only 2 treats per day as the "experts" recommend seemed to require far too much time and effort on my part, so, I allowed them candy eating periods. They were allowed as much candy as they could eat in 15 or 20 minutes. This way, all the candy was gone within a week. Hallowe'en was quickly forgotten.

I really admire all the people who can enjoy this holiday. Many of you enjoy the challenge of creating a unique and inexpensive costume. You have a creative bent that I can only dream of. But now, as I am dealing with an impending empty nest and the hard things that come with it, I know that hallowe'en is one thing that I never have to sweat about again.

So there.

November 1

This month is NaBloPoMo month and like ccap, I will attempt to post every day. There is a good chance that you'll get bored because interesting things don't usually happen in my life daily. I will try to keep most of these posts short.

Today, I am writing from the Best Western Hotel in Fargo, ND. I am not in the habit of cross-border shopping but for Kristen's 18th birthday we thought it would be fun to have a "girl's" outing. We did a bit of shopping this evening and will shop till we drop tomorrow. Friday morning we'll be heading back to Winnipeg.

Things that I have noticed so far:

• North Dakotans are generally a very friendly bunch.
• Male salespeople welcome both of us into their stores but they look at Kristen, not me.
• The roads in the US are much better than the roads in Canada. But I always remind myself that if we didn't have public health care, the government would have more money for roads.
• There was almost no snow south of Grand Forks.
• The lattes at Starbucks taste the same.
• Alcohol is a lot cheaper here! (hic)

That's all for now folks. Good night.

Happy Birthday Kristen!

Kristen turned 18 today. My youngest child is now 18-able to vote, drink and make her own decisions without my consent. I am glad that she has made and is making wise decisions these days so I don't really need to worry. Still, as a mom, I do.


Although she was born on October 31, her due date was October 14. She was 18 days overdue. Eighteen looooooooong days overdue. On October 28, I went to the hospital to be induced. I was put on the drip and after 7 hours, nothing was happening so I was sent home. That was depressing. A few days later I was induced again and thankfully, after a rather intense 4 hours, she was born.

Kristen and I have had some tough times but I think the worst of those times are over. We've both grown, changed and compromised and that makes for a much more harmonious relationship. Her health is still very good and we are so grateful for that.

So, happy birthday Kristen! I love you.

Sammy's bad hair day

In my last Thursday Thirteen, I mentioned that I bought a dog grooming kit for Sammy. We used it yesterday with some success. The dog looks like he's got a bad haircut. Sammy was pretty obedient but he did not enjoy the process. Neither did Wes nor I. By the end of the evening we had all inhaled enough dog hair for a lifetime and were covered in dog hair. We needed a shower, our clothes had to be washed and we could not stop sneezing.

We are giving the grooming kit away.

Before.

After. (Notice how one ear is longer than the other. I must admit that this is one bad haircut!)

The Second Time Ben Kept Me Up All Night

In my previous post, I wrote that Ben has kept me up all night long only twice in my life. The first time was the day of his birth-my water broke around midnight and he was born sometime between 6 and 8 in the morning.

The second time he kept me up all night was when he was 18 years old. At this time Ben had been going out with friends and staying out till midnight or so for at least a year. Most of the time, I'd stay awake until I heard him come home but sometimes, I'd fall asleep before that. Generally, I'd wake up at some point in the night and if I hadn't heard him, I'd just go downstairs and see if his shoes were by the back door. It was a good system. I didn't have to go into his room and wake him up if he was asleep and I could go back to sleep knowing he was safely in bed.

One particular night I had fallen asleep early and sure enough, it was around 1:00 AM when I woke up and hadn't heard him come home. I went downstairs to look for his shoes but they weren't there. I was a little annoyed because it was past his curfew. I was wide awake by this time and decided to stay in the living room and wait for his arrival. I made a cup of tea and began reading my book but by 2:00 I could no longer concentrate. I began to worry. Then, I began to pace. By 3:00 AM I was trying to tell myself that if something happened, the police would have informed me by now. At 4:00 AM I considered calling all the emergency wards in the local hospitals. I also considered calling his friends but was concerned that if he wasn't with them, I would have awakened them needlesly. And then they would worry (probably not but I was not thinking too coherently). Finally, at 5:00 AM I fell into a fitful sleep.

It was a Saturday night and I had to be up early to get to church on time. I was usually involved with the service so I'd often leave early and Wes would come later with the kids. I was pretty tired and stressed so the music practise that I led didn't go too well. When we finished, people started coming in as they usually do and at one point, Wes came in with our children, including Ben. To my sleep deprived eyes, it looked like Ben was swaggering. Because we were in church and there would have been witnesses, I decided not to kill him. Instead, I hissed, "Where were you last night?"

He looked at me, puzzled and replied calmly, "In my bed."
I hissed again, "What time did you come home?"
"I don't know, around 12:30 I guess."
Less hissy, but still angry I asked him, "Where were your shoes?"
He was very puzzled by now, wondering what his shoes had to do with this conversation.

"I don't know. I wore my boots."

Happy Birthday Ben!

I was going to begin this post by saying, "This post should have been written on October 6..." but I am trying my best not to use words like "should, must, have to" and others. They are often referred to as "absolutes" and I use them far too much.

It was Ben's birthday on October 6. My oldest son was born on October 6, 1981 at approximately 8:00 AM. That was the first of only 2 times he has kept me up all night. The second time was not his fault. I suppose the first time wasn't his fault either.

Ben's always been a great son. (Oh no. My first "absolute." I'll keep it in though. Even though we've had our differences, he's always been a great son.) I remember in the year he was born we had a beautiful fall and we spent many happy hours together, he in his pram (Yes. I had a pram) and me pushing it. For about 2 years Ben was an only child and he went everywhere with Wes and I. As long as he had his blankie (yeah, can you imagine Ben with a blankie?) he would settle down and fall asleep anywhere.

Ben was unique from most other children in that when it was time to clean up, he actually did. The caregivers in the church nursery would often tell me that when it was time to clean up, Ben would actually listen and clean up. All the other children would put one or two things away but Ben would get right into it. He's always been a really hard worker. I remember the time when he was probably 8 or 9 and we were expecting Wes's parents for a visit. They were driving from Ontario and ended up coming one day sooner than we expected. I was in a panic. Wes' mom is a dear, sweet woman and she keeps an immaculate house. My house was (is) never immaculate and that day especially, it was a mess. I gathered up the kids (ages 9, 7, 4 and 3) and told them that grampa and gramma were coming IN TWO HOURS. They must have sensed that this was a huge deal for me and they all cleaned up like troopers. Ben however, led the way and I was amazed that he actually saw what needed to be done, without my direction, and then did it. I will always be grateful to him for that.

Ben was involved in volleyball and basketball while he attended school and excelled at both sports. His work ethic was apparent in the way he played sports too. He was focussed and worked hard at doing what had to be done in order to win games. His attitude was good too. He was not in the habit of bad mouthing other teams, refs, or people. In that way Ben has a very balanced attitude towards everything in life. A great character trait to have.

This year, he has turned 25. It is wonderful to see many of the positive character traits I saw already so many years ago develop and grow. He is married to a lovely woman, works hard at his job and volunteers at church. I see him at least twice a week and still enjoy his company. Our relationship is changing. I feel less like a mother who has to take care of him and more like an equal, although sometimes I'd like to take a comb to his hair and razor to his whiskers...

It's been quite a trip. When I held him in my arms 25 years ago, I never gave a thought to what life would be like having an adult for a son. While much about him has changed, it amazes me that my love for him remains as strong and fierce as it did the day he was born. I think that will always be the same.

And so, I'd like to wish a happy birthday to Ben. It is my hope and prayer that this year will bring you great joy, happiness and peace. That wish will always be the same.

Thursday Thirteen

1. Wes and I ate leftover Chicken Caesar Pasta for supper.
2. Sammy, the dog, had duck.
3. Sammy has developed an itchy, uncomfortable skin rash and the vet thinks he’s allergic to his food. Now we need to buy (very expensive) specialty dog food from the vet. As a result, we’ll be noshing on noodles and no name products while the dog dines on duck.
4. Pure bred dogs tend to get skin rashes.
5. I spent 2 ½ hours at the gym today. I feel good but a little tired. I don’t do this every day.
6. I met with a woman this afternoon that lost her husband when she was only 42 in a tragic accident. That was about 14 years ago.
7. Today I bought some dog clippers at Canadian Tire because they were on sale and I thought, “Hey, I cut the hair of my husband, sons, nephews and occasionally my brother-in-law, I can do the dog too.” It came with a DVD which I will watch after I’ve finished my Thursday Thirteen.
8. It was another, absolutely gorgeous fall day today.
9. We had our elm trees trimmed yesterday. The people who were climbing the trees looked like they were having a lot of fun.
10. Several weeks ago my neighbour was getting water in her basement and thought that she would have to replace her water line. It turned out it was our water line that was leaking and WE had to replace OURS. Ouch. That was expensive. She was happy but we weren’t although we now have much better water pressure than before.
11. Today, I took a day off of painting. I was getting pretty bored and tired of it. I’ll get back to it next week.
12. If it wasn’t for Yvonne, I would not be going to the gym as often as I do now. I would have probably quit.
13. We have 3 teenagers living with us and not one of them were here for supper today. That’s why Wes and I had leftovers.

Eric and his Hot Newish Car

When Eric started school, we gave him our 1991 Oldsmobile to drive. We had purchased it for $5,000 in 2001 and it was a good car. Old Betsy finally died near the end of August of 2006 and was promptly sent to the wreckers. This is Eric's new car. A Cavalier. As you can see, he is very proud of it. He bought it at the MPI auction for $800.00 and spent about another $400.00 in fixing it up (thanks Uncle George).

I'm told that it is not exactly a "hot" car. Eric will have to wait for that when he's finished school.

Happy travels Eric!

Darlene

I should be painting instead of blogging but it has been almost a month and I’m sure all my blogger friends are wondering just what it is that I am doing that is so important. I really want to get the painting done because the paint cans, brushes, ladders and other paraphernalia do not fit with my idea of décor.

But blog I must because I’m finally ready to tell you about Darlene.

Darlene has been a part of my life since I was born and while I always knew she was there, it wasn’t until I was an awkward and (I thought but really wasn’t) fat teenager that I began to notice her and hate her. It was Darlene that kept me from ever feeling beautiful and sexy. She would always get in the way of everything I was trying to do. She made it hard for me to put on my shoes, or find pants that fit. She kept me from buying clingy dresses and bikinis. When I walked or ran, she kept wiggling and jiggling long after the rest of me stopped. I tried my best to keep her out of pictures that were taken of me. She has embarrassed me many times and about 8 months ago, I decided that it was time to stop letting her do that.

So, I started going to the gym regularly and faithfully. I am mostly happy with the results except my stomach doesn’t seem to be shrinking much. I am 49 years old and have had 4 pregnancies, all resulting in healthy babies. One was almost 11 pounds. I am beginning to realize that my belly will always hold a prominent place in my body and in my life. I could continue to hate it and let it hold me back but instead, I’ve decided to name my belly Darlene and actually show her the love and respect that she deserves.

I have decided that I will no longer try to hide her. I shall wear clothing that shows her in all her glory. And I will no longer be embarrassed by her. I will accept her as she is. And should she shrink a little more, I will be happy but I will not obsess about her if she decides to stay around.

Darlene is like battle scars or old sports injuries. Pregnancies, unsuccessful attempts at dieting (which only caused me to gain weight) are all part of that lumpy, bumpy, jiggly stretch-marked flesh that is mine. I can let her embarrass me or I can be proud of the fact that she and I have survived and thrived through 49 years of living.

So Darlene, welcome. You may stay. However, the less I notice you, the better I will like it. I promise that I will no longer compare you to others. I will not be jealous of those cute, skinny women who have no idea what it is like to have a companion like you. I will no longer stare at my teenaged daughter and her friends, looking for their companions. And when Wes tells me that he loves Darlene too, I will believe him. And maybe, just maybe, I'll buy myself a biki...

Maybe not.

More Worms

We took out the baseboards so they'll need to be repainted and reinstalled.

The reason for Derrik's "Oh s***" is the fact that the island in the kitchen is crooked. Very crooked. We knew this before but the old floor had been installed before we noticed it, of course. The people who installed the old floor didn't seem to care much about how it looked. They just wanted to finish it. Fortunately, Derrik is a little more particular. What this meant is that last night Wes removed the island, or at least most of it as one cabinet couldn't be taken away because it is attached to the plumbing lines.

The island will be straight. That's good. Everything will look almost as good as new once it's all done but we've got a bit of work ahead of us, that's for sure.

I'm hoping that the can is empty now.

This Old House and a Can of Worms

Oh yes. The proverbial can of worms has been opened. We are supposed to get a much needed new kitchen floor. It was going to be easy. One day was all it would take.

Yesterday Derrick and his side kick (don't know his name yet) arrived at 3:45, just as I was going out the door to pick Kristen up from one job and take her to her other one. I asked them if they were here to start on the floor and Derrick responded by saying yes. His body language said, "Of course lady, what did you think I was doing here?" They were supposed to have come at 9:30 that morning.

(An aside: I have met a few floor installers over the years as we've done renovations a number of times in the various houses we've owned. Most of them seem to be pretty tough. Wes tells me that when his company is doing a job where criminal record checks are required, they often have trouble finding carpet layers who don't have a record. It's a hard job and I suppose somebody's got to do it. I feel perfectly safe with these guys around though. I've got Sammy to protect me.)


My protector.












In an older house, I can say without exaggerating, that every single time you do anything, it never goes exactly as you planned. Today is no exception. When Derrick and the other guy lifted the old vinyl flooring, the worms began spilling out of the can. They (Derrick and the other guy) were appalled, I say appalled, at what they found. The sub floor was not properly attached to the other part of the floor (I really don't know the proper terms for all of this). It was attached with, horrors, drywall screws. That's why there was so much squeeking (I hadn't really noticed. It's an old house after all. There are lots of squeeks. That's part of the charm.)

Anyway, this means that the kitchen will probably take 2 more days to finish and then the carpet that they will be laying will not happen until Monday. And this was all supposed to take 2 days.

Bill, the boss, came and checked things out and now, after consultation with the homeowners (me and Wes) we have decided to replace the sub floor too. It will be the cheapest way to do it. (Ha Ha. Cheapest. That's a good one. There won't be anything cheap about that.)
Oh well, we'll have a great sub floor. I think it's kind of like buying underwear. You spend a lot of money on something that people will not see but you really notice if it's not there or not the right kind.

I just heard Derrik say something like, "this is going to be a long drawn out process." Then he said something that sounded like, "Oh s***."

Oh dear. Maybe I'm looking at 3 more days before I have my kitchen back. I'll keep you posted (as if you care).

Happy Birthday Wes!

Forty-eight years ago today, the man who would most impact my life as an adult was born. I didn't know him until 19 years later and didn't really "know" him (in the biblical sense) until the day I married him, almost 27 years ago.

I'd love for Wes to write a "100 Things About Me" list but I'll just have to write something on his behalf. I won't try for 100 but I'll do my best to write a list to help you know him a little better.

1. Wes is the only person in this household who never loses socks. I have at least half a dozen singles in my drawer, hoping that their other halfs will show up. Wes has none.
2. He is a hard worker.
3. He often finishes up things that I have started and gotten bored with.
4. Once, when I was helping him move something heavy, he said to me, "Don't worry, it's not heavy, just awkward." Now, anytime anything has to be moved, people in our family use that line. Wes will never live that one down. It has become family legend.
5. He laughs out loud at movies. And I mean OUT LOUD. The rest of us are giggling silently but Wes guffaws.
6. He owned a blue volkswagen when I fell in love with him.
7. He was wearing brown, double knit pants when I first fell in love with him. I looked past the pants and saw the man underneath. (No smart comments on this one. You know what I mean)
8. I taught him that you could buy stuff at stores other than Woolco.
9. He was not too proud to wear the free shirts that you used to be able to get at SuperStore when you spent $250.00.
10. When the kids were young, he would almost always put them to bed.
11. He cleans up the supper dishes.
12. He used to do almost all the grocery shopping. Now, I'm in charge and he does only some of the grocery shopping.
13. He seldom complains.
14. He's only crabby when he's hungry so I try to make sure that supper is ready for him when he comes home.
15. He makes his own lunch.
16. He knows how to barbeque a rare steak.
17. He is very strong.
18. He always kisses me when he goes to work even if I have peanut butter in my mouth.
19. I can almost alway guess what he is going to order at a restaurant because it's usually the most unique item. I generally go with the more predictable choice. I often like his better.
20. He's neater than I am.
21. Sharing a dessert with him is good when I'm on a diet. He can eat a piece of cheesecake in 5 bites while I tend to eat it more slowly.
22. He is very willing to remove dead mice from traps.
23. He loves my sisters and their families.
24. He loves me, our children and our daughter-in-law.
25. When we go on trips, he makes sure that he has booked a hotel. We have only one story of being stranded late at night without a hotel to go to. If a car needs to be rented, he does that too.
26. He has never complained about my messiness.
27. He has taught me to slow down and to think before I speak. If I ask him a question, he often thinks about it for a while before he says something.
28. He has incredible patience, especially with cranky babies.
29. He has incredible patience, especially with a cranky wife.
30. He signed up to do the baking at church for a Sunday morning.

I could come up with 100 but I'll leave it at 30 for now because I want to post this today and I need to get some work done too.

Happy birthday Wes!

Waiting...

This morning, I got up early, anticipating the arrival and installation of my new kitchen floor. Last night Wes and I worked hard to get everything ready and now, the washer, dryer, frig and stove are in the dining room, the kitchen table and chairs are in the living room and other things can be found in strange places in my house.

Right now, it's 1:04 PM and my anticipation is waning. They're not here yet. I do not think that they could finish the kitchen in one afternoon so we'll be living in this disorganized mess for at least 2 days.

I keep having to remind myself that in a few days, everything will be neat and tidy and all of my stuff will have found it's proper place.

I hope.

More Homemaking News

In my post yesterday I suggested that there was somthing else I wanted to share with you. I just remembered. Did you know that people are beginning to do more of their own housework again? Yes. That's right. They are getting rid of the cleaning services and are finding value and a sense of accomplishment in doing their own housework. And what's more, THEY ARE POLISHING THEIR OWN SILVER AND DOING THEIR OWN WINDOWS.

Oh for the good old days when we had other people polishing our silver and washing our windows.

Tim washed a few windows for me the other day. Does that count as "doing your own?" Maybe I should pull out my silver and start polishing it.

Wait... I just remembered. I don't have any silver.

Linda's Decorating Tips

I normally go to the gym 5 days a week. No, I'm not one of THOSE kinds of people. I just know that it needs to be part of my daily routine or else I will not keep it up.

But this post is not about the gym. This post is about a television show you just may want to watch if you have the good fortune of being at home with nothing better to do than watch TV at 10:00 in the morning.

I don't watch much TV at home-usually the 10:00 news and if I can stay awake, the local news at 10:30. I am however, able to watch TV at the gym. I'm on the cross-trainer around 9:00 in the morning and I usually have several television show options. They are the Sports channel, children's TV (why that channel, I don't know. There isn't anyone younger than 18 there at that time), some entertainment show and something call City TV.

None of those shows really interest me but I generally end up watching City TV. It reminds me of the women's magazines that Heather loves to hate but it is in the form of a TV show. They usually have a guest on the show who talks about fashion, home decor, the latest plastic surgery available, food and anything else people (women) might find interesting. Today, I learned a great decorating tip that I would like to pass on to you, my blogger friends.

When you have a party at your home you would hate to run out of toilet paper, wouldn't you? (Collective nod of the head) Some people have a type of cylindrical holder by the toilet but that hides the toilet paper and your guests might not know that is where the extra TP is kept. (What kind of friends does she have?)

Well, our designer has come up with a cute fun way to keep your TP in plain sight. I have attempted to duplicate this but it wasn't easy. Designers always make things look so easy but really, they tend to be difficult to copy. Here is my effort:

To brighten it up, you're supposed to put silk flowers in the holes but I didn't have any. I've gotten rid of a lot of my junk so there was nothing I could put into the holes to show you just how attractive this might look in YOUR bathroom for your next event.

Actually, I was thinking of buying some OHenry bars and putting them in the holes. My guests might appreciate that.

There was one other tip that I found particularly interesting but I can't remember it right now. If I do, I'll post that at another time.

Eat your heart out Rena Nerbass!

Mouse Invasion

Every morning for breakfast, I eat half a bagel with peanut butter and jam. I've been having this for breakfast for more years than I can remember but I'm still not tired of it. Yesterday morning, this is what I found:
It was the last bagel in the house because yesterday was grocery day so I had to eat A PIECE OF TOAST INSTEAD! I was so disappointed!

Last year I wrote a piece about the vermin that comes into my house every fall season. I thought I'd re-post it for you all.

"The invasion has begun.The army that would like to conquer, chew and destroy has already sent at least 2 sentinels. We know they are still in the area because we have seen some evidence of their presence. Early one morning, Tim actually saw them but as it was 6:00 AM and he was moving a little slowly, he was unable to track them down.

You'd think they'd learn. You'd think their fathers and mothers, grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles and cousins would have let them know that although they might find some sustenance in certain locations of this house, they would eventually meet their demise here.

And so we begin the battle yet again. I pull out my arsenol, all nicely packaged together in a plastic bag. Death Traps, check. Sticky traps, check. Poison, check. Humane traps, check (although I still can't understand why my own husband would buy a mouse trap that allows the rodent to live so that it can be released-Where? Back into my house!) A plug-in thingy that apparently makes noise that only a mouse can hear. This one particularly takes the cake as I'm convinced that the sound attracts rather than repels this army.

I suppose that you can't really blame the poor critters. It's getting cold outside and like us humans, they like to live at ease, where the food is plentiful and the temperature is comfortable. They get all of this in my house. I have been told that I have a gift for hospitality and the mice seem to sense this. The food can easily be found in the bedrooms of certain residents of this abode, in the family room couch or under the fridge and stove in the kitchen. Mice really don't need much to keep them going-chocolate bar wrappers, cracker crumbs, even empty slurpee cups can seem like a feast to a cold and hungry mouse. We even leave nesting material around for them like clothes, blankets or paper on the floor. Last year, they spent some time in the boots of a teenage guest who was living with us but then decided to take up residence in her gym bag because the food and clothes, readily available, were preferable to the footwear.

The year we moved into this house we caught 17 mice in the fall. We had never had mice in any of our previous homes so we were unprepared for this onslaught and it was too late when we finally began fighting back. I think that was the year that word got around in the mouse community that our house was party central.

But I've learned. My nephew Joey frequently tells the story when "Auntie Linda killed 4 baby mice on the stairs with a toilet plunger." Actually it was a toilet brush and there were 5 mice (but who's keeping track anyway). As sickened as I was about this brutal murder, I just knew that if I didn't get them when I saw them, I'd be battling with their offspring in a few short months. And boy do they know how to procreate.

Today, I can say with a measure of certainty that I am smarter than a mouse. I have discovered tricks that will get a mouse every time or at least most times. This year, I'm ready. I've got traps loaded with my prefered ammo-peanut butter. I've laid them out in strategic locations and eagerly look forward to asking Wes or Tim to check the traps every morning before they leave for work. (I am a fairly independent, liberated woman. But when it comes to emptying mouse traps, I believe that it is a man's job. Fortunately both of the males I live with are willing to do this rather unpleasant job.)

So, the battle will continue until the snow falls or things freeze up around here. But I'm ready. Bring 'em on. I'll take care of 'em. Maybe they'll be smarter than their forefathers and foremothers and will tell the younger generation that the neighbour's house is far more appealing than mine."

ATM Etiquette

Yesterday I read a story in the Free Press about someone who had found money in a bank machine. The previous person must have forgotten to remove it and the finder was trying to track down the person who lost the money. Apparently, the bank can't even track it down.

This reminded me of a similar story that happened to me several years ago. I was in the car with Michele and we decided that we would go to one of those drive-thru ATMs. I had never used one before and was driving slowly as I was trying to figure out just where I had to go in and how close I had to be to the machine to reach the buttons.

There was an older model car behind me and the person driving it seemed very impatient with me because I wasn't moving too quickly. I thought he needed to learn a lesson so I slowed down even more and really took my time at the ATM. He seemed to be losing his patience with me but I didn't care. I figured he needed to learn to slow down.

Finally, I was finished my transaction, put the car in gear and started driving away towards the parking lot. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the man who had been behind me raced out of the stall at the ATM machine and began following me. I was frightened because I had heard stories of road rage and this guy, with his long stringy hair and dirty clothes fit my idea of a man out of control.

He began honking his horn and swerving around, and at one point I began to realize that he wasn't angry, he was just trying to get my attention. I slowed down and opened my window. He rolled down his window and handed me some cash-the cash I had left in the ATM machine. I thanked him, he nodded and went off to do his transaction.

I was embarrassed at my insensitive actions and wished that I could speak with the man and buy him a coffee but of course, that was not to be.

Who do you think learned a lesson that day?

For Tom and Becky

That Black Cloud

I went to the doctor today. The good news is that I am 13 pounds lighter than I was last year. Yippee!

The other good news is that she has extended my anti-depressant medication for another 5 months. I have been on this medication for about 2 months and I was not ready to blog about it until now. I figure if RLP can blog about depression then I can too.

It’s hard to know when it all actually started but I had been fighting a black cloud since the fall of 2005. It is likely longer than that but it was in September that I began thinking that this was more than just “the blues.” I hadn’t been sleeping well, I was having trouble controlling my eating, I had little energy and just felt kind of empty. What really troubled me though was that I couldn’t remember the last time I really laughed. Anytime something good would happen, or I’d have some fun, I just couldn’t appreciate it. I felt anxious and guilty all the time. I used up any energy I had in order to remain positive and upbeat.

I thought that anti-depressants might help and I spoke to a psychologist about it. She agreed that it was likely that I was depressed and that medication might be helpful. I don’t know if depression is genetic or not but my grandmother was on medication and I really think that my mom has been depressed so, it really should be no surprise to me that I too could be depressed.

Things at home were mostly pretty peaceful. Except for a few incidents with Kristen that I am not proud of, I did not yell or carry on too much. I did not cry a lot and I wasn’t suicidal. My greatest fear was that I would take medication and it wouldn’t help because I wasn’t depressed, I was just feeling sorry for myself and had to “suck it up.”

Within a week of starting my medication, I began to feel better. After about 2 weeks, I really began to notice a difference. I was laughing, I was having fun, I was sleeping and I began to feel happier. I did not have to use all of my energy to stay happy. Wes says that I’m more engaged at home now. Before, I was pretty quiet and chose to spend my time at home alone-reading or watching TV. Everything seemed to be a chore.

I am grateful for the many medications that are available these days. The one I’m taking has a few minor side effects-things I can easily live with. I have been enjoying the summer and have not been thinking too much about the fall. Hopefully I’ll be willing and ready to jump in and begin my work at the church. I just feel that this summer has been one of healing and joy. I’m enjoying my time at home and feel that I have become more balanced and content.

I was really hesitant to start down this path. It seems that depression is very common among women in North America. It seems strange to me that there are so many of us who need this kind of help. Why can that be? Are we just a bunch of wimps who just need to snap out of it? Are we so self absorbed that we cannot deal with a bit of stress and anxiety? Are we unable to deal with an imperfect world and so need to depend on a pill? Can I not accept the fact that life sucks sometimes and that I don’t always feel great?

I wonder how many people in Africa need to be on anti depressants. They say it’s a chemical imbalance of the brain. I’m sure that a chemical imbalance happens just as frequently in an African brain as in a North American brain.

I have no answers but I do know one thing. The pills are working and I am a happier, more content person today than I was a few months ago. I will continue taking them for as long as necessary and perhaps some answers may come to me as my brain becomes less fuzzy and I am able to think more clearly. I know one thing. My family has their mom back and I think that’s pretty important.

Depression is a tough thing. I am grateful that mine is not as debilitating as it can be for some people. There have been no thoughts of suicide or of hurting myself. But in its own way, this has been a hard road to follow. It is not something that you can see, like a broken arm or a bad cut. But it’s there and only the person who is experiencing it can really tell what it’s like. For me, it wasn’t too obvious. I was able to function fairly well. But the energy it took to remain positive was extreme. I’m getting my energy back and I’m grateful for the people around me who I’ve told who have given me so much encouragement and support. To have that kind of community around me is the best thing I could hope for. They know who they are and I am so thankful to them.

Okay. Last cute dog picture today. The dog cousins are bunking together although Jed is definitely more relaxed than Sammy-and it's Sammy's kennel!

I'm Alive and Doing Fine

This will be short. I just wanted to let all of my blogger friends know that I'm alive and doing fine. I haven't blogged for quite a while-there has been much other stuff to keep me occupied this summer. Like...

• the beautiful weather;
• the fact that we have a pool and when people come over to swim, I need to sit out there and provide them with stimulating conversation and companionship;
• watering my garden-It's been so dry here that it's hard to keep up;
• going to Assiniboine Park to watch "Ballet in the Park";
• renovating and fixing up the back porch;
• spending time with Kristen*
• enjoying time with Glenda and her family;
• reading. I've read 2 books (Time Traveller's Wife and The Twins of Trebeca) although I didn't really enjoy either one of them too much. They were okay but just okay. (I know that there will be some people who do not agree with me, especially with The Time Traveller's Wife.) I still love reading and even books that don't really grab me can still be entertaining.

*Until now, Kristen has been home quite a lot this summer. She hasn't been getting many shifts at Esprit, the store where she works. We have had a great time! We've been going to the gym, doing some shopping and just kind of hanging out. It's been just wonderful. She's still feeling well and I too am feeling content.

She just got another job at Aqua-Tech, a pool store. Eric's been working there for quite a few years and now Kristen is there. That means we will get our pool chemicals at a discount for a little bit longer. That's great and it's a good place to work. And Kristen will have a full time job until the middle of October. That is a good thing.

Monday night Jed came over to our house for a week. He's actually doing quite well. The mop and pail have been put to good use but as it's only in the kitchen, I don't mind too much (except when I step in it). And for Micah's information, there has been very little mounting going on.

Here's a picture of the dog cousins:

As you can see, Jed is howling as only a coon hound can howl and Sammy is looking rather pathetically at me. When I leave the fenced area of the back yard, they wait for me there, in the corner and look very sad until I return. Jed has taught Sammy how to whine and Sammy has taught Jed how to pace.

Oh well, at least they're getting along.