I've been thinking about anxiety and growth lately. Both in the same thought, mostly because I thought I had "grown" enough to be able to deal with anxiety in a more healthy way.

Have I got a long way to go.

We have not yet sold our house. I knew it would not be as easy to sell this house as some of the other houses here in Winnipeg. I knew that. But in my heart I hoped, prayed, begged, that it would sell in days. What a testimony that would be! "We put our faith in God, knowing that he would take care of us blah, blah, blah..., and the house sold in one week! God is good!"

Well, that testimony's no good anymore as it's been almost 4 months and we have not yet had one offer. It keeps me awake at night. I'm beginning to feel anxious and I thought that I was way beyond that. If I go to the doctor and ask her for some anti anxiety meds, she'll suggest that I try non-prescription ways of dealing with it like meditation and exercise, which I'm already doing. But I still obssess. I just can't seem to turn my brain off.

I have faith that it will sell sometime but I'm tired of living in limbo, waiting for my life to start once this place is sold. I want to be able to live and enjoy life, even in the midst of turmoil and uncertainty. I want to move forward, to grow and expand my brain but it seems to be stuck, like the needle on an LP player that stays in the same groove.

It's not just the house that's on my brain these days. It seems that I have begun worrying more and more about stuff that I have no control over. And at three o'clock in the morning, all of it seems to be insurmountable.

I thought I was further along in my emotional development. I thought I had more faith. I thought I could rise above these petty, relatively small inconveniences. After all, there are people who have no homes or possessions, have lost their families and friends and live where there is little to hope for. And here I'm obssessing about selling a house.

One day I will be able to look at this time in my life with a little more perspective. I will be able to see that even though things didn't happen the way I wanted, everything worked out. I'm hoping that new perspective will happen soon. Until then, I'll enjoy the days when I don't obsess and try to get through the days that I do.

Minnesota Bike Trip

Greatest Birthday Gift

My daughter-in-law Carolyn is one of those people who give a lot of thought to the gifts she gives. One of the very endearing things about her is the fact that she cannot wait to give her presents away and it is not unusual for me to receive something early.

So when Ben and Carolyn came by on Saturday with my birthday gift, I wasn't too surprised. A couple of bottles of wine and some delicious cheese. They knew that with selling the house and all, I didn't want anything that I would have to move. But the real surprise was in the card they gave me:

Yup. That's right. I'm gonna be a grandma, for the first time. Woo hoo! The whole family's thrilled!

Greetings from Minnesota

This post comes to you from the C'mon Inn of Park Rapids.

We've been here for a couple of days, enjoying the beautiful bike trails of Minnesota. Yesterday, we biked 18 km in Itasca State Park. It was only 18 because the day before, we biked 100 km which was stupid. We were feeling good and thought we'd go to the next town. We weren't thinking about the return trip. That was kind of stupid. Today, we'll try for about 50 km and see if our butts can handle it.

The weather is gorgeous, the biking trails are lovely, and the people are friendly. Everytime we pass people on a bike trail, they say hi.

We are trying to decide if we prefer biking on flat or hilly terrain. Going up the hills can be challenging but there is always the reward of coasting down. On flat terrain, you never get a break. You're always pedalling. We'll have to do a little more biking in order to discover what we like best. I do know that I prefer beautiful vistas and scenery. Today, we're off to Cass Lake because I have it on good authority that it is a lovely area to bike around. Stay tuned for pictures!