November 1

This month is NaBloPoMo month and like ccap, I will attempt to post every day. There is a good chance that you'll get bored because interesting things don't usually happen in my life daily. I will try to keep most of these posts short.

Today, I am writing from the Best Western Hotel in Fargo, ND. I am not in the habit of cross-border shopping but for Kristen's 18th birthday we thought it would be fun to have a "girl's" outing. We did a bit of shopping this evening and will shop till we drop tomorrow. Friday morning we'll be heading back to Winnipeg.

Things that I have noticed so far:

• North Dakotans are generally a very friendly bunch.
• Male salespeople welcome both of us into their stores but they look at Kristen, not me.
• The roads in the US are much better than the roads in Canada. But I always remind myself that if we didn't have public health care, the government would have more money for roads.
• There was almost no snow south of Grand Forks.
• The lattes at Starbucks taste the same.
• Alcohol is a lot cheaper here! (hic)

That's all for now folks. Good night.

Happy Birthday Kristen!

Kristen turned 18 today. My youngest child is now 18-able to vote, drink and make her own decisions without my consent. I am glad that she has made and is making wise decisions these days so I don't really need to worry. Still, as a mom, I do.


Although she was born on October 31, her due date was October 14. She was 18 days overdue. Eighteen looooooooong days overdue. On October 28, I went to the hospital to be induced. I was put on the drip and after 7 hours, nothing was happening so I was sent home. That was depressing. A few days later I was induced again and thankfully, after a rather intense 4 hours, she was born.

Kristen and I have had some tough times but I think the worst of those times are over. We've both grown, changed and compromised and that makes for a much more harmonious relationship. Her health is still very good and we are so grateful for that.

So, happy birthday Kristen! I love you.

Sammy's bad hair day

In my last Thursday Thirteen, I mentioned that I bought a dog grooming kit for Sammy. We used it yesterday with some success. The dog looks like he's got a bad haircut. Sammy was pretty obedient but he did not enjoy the process. Neither did Wes nor I. By the end of the evening we had all inhaled enough dog hair for a lifetime and were covered in dog hair. We needed a shower, our clothes had to be washed and we could not stop sneezing.

We are giving the grooming kit away.

Before.

After. (Notice how one ear is longer than the other. I must admit that this is one bad haircut!)

The Second Time Ben Kept Me Up All Night

In my previous post, I wrote that Ben has kept me up all night long only twice in my life. The first time was the day of his birth-my water broke around midnight and he was born sometime between 6 and 8 in the morning.

The second time he kept me up all night was when he was 18 years old. At this time Ben had been going out with friends and staying out till midnight or so for at least a year. Most of the time, I'd stay awake until I heard him come home but sometimes, I'd fall asleep before that. Generally, I'd wake up at some point in the night and if I hadn't heard him, I'd just go downstairs and see if his shoes were by the back door. It was a good system. I didn't have to go into his room and wake him up if he was asleep and I could go back to sleep knowing he was safely in bed.

One particular night I had fallen asleep early and sure enough, it was around 1:00 AM when I woke up and hadn't heard him come home. I went downstairs to look for his shoes but they weren't there. I was a little annoyed because it was past his curfew. I was wide awake by this time and decided to stay in the living room and wait for his arrival. I made a cup of tea and began reading my book but by 2:00 I could no longer concentrate. I began to worry. Then, I began to pace. By 3:00 AM I was trying to tell myself that if something happened, the police would have informed me by now. At 4:00 AM I considered calling all the emergency wards in the local hospitals. I also considered calling his friends but was concerned that if he wasn't with them, I would have awakened them needlesly. And then they would worry (probably not but I was not thinking too coherently). Finally, at 5:00 AM I fell into a fitful sleep.

It was a Saturday night and I had to be up early to get to church on time. I was usually involved with the service so I'd often leave early and Wes would come later with the kids. I was pretty tired and stressed so the music practise that I led didn't go too well. When we finished, people started coming in as they usually do and at one point, Wes came in with our children, including Ben. To my sleep deprived eyes, it looked like Ben was swaggering. Because we were in church and there would have been witnesses, I decided not to kill him. Instead, I hissed, "Where were you last night?"

He looked at me, puzzled and replied calmly, "In my bed."
I hissed again, "What time did you come home?"
"I don't know, around 12:30 I guess."
Less hissy, but still angry I asked him, "Where were your shoes?"
He was very puzzled by now, wondering what his shoes had to do with this conversation.

"I don't know. I wore my boots."

Happy Birthday Ben!

I was going to begin this post by saying, "This post should have been written on October 6..." but I am trying my best not to use words like "should, must, have to" and others. They are often referred to as "absolutes" and I use them far too much.

It was Ben's birthday on October 6. My oldest son was born on October 6, 1981 at approximately 8:00 AM. That was the first of only 2 times he has kept me up all night. The second time was not his fault. I suppose the first time wasn't his fault either.

Ben's always been a great son. (Oh no. My first "absolute." I'll keep it in though. Even though we've had our differences, he's always been a great son.) I remember in the year he was born we had a beautiful fall and we spent many happy hours together, he in his pram (Yes. I had a pram) and me pushing it. For about 2 years Ben was an only child and he went everywhere with Wes and I. As long as he had his blankie (yeah, can you imagine Ben with a blankie?) he would settle down and fall asleep anywhere.

Ben was unique from most other children in that when it was time to clean up, he actually did. The caregivers in the church nursery would often tell me that when it was time to clean up, Ben would actually listen and clean up. All the other children would put one or two things away but Ben would get right into it. He's always been a really hard worker. I remember the time when he was probably 8 or 9 and we were expecting Wes's parents for a visit. They were driving from Ontario and ended up coming one day sooner than we expected. I was in a panic. Wes' mom is a dear, sweet woman and she keeps an immaculate house. My house was (is) never immaculate and that day especially, it was a mess. I gathered up the kids (ages 9, 7, 4 and 3) and told them that grampa and gramma were coming IN TWO HOURS. They must have sensed that this was a huge deal for me and they all cleaned up like troopers. Ben however, led the way and I was amazed that he actually saw what needed to be done, without my direction, and then did it. I will always be grateful to him for that.

Ben was involved in volleyball and basketball while he attended school and excelled at both sports. His work ethic was apparent in the way he played sports too. He was focussed and worked hard at doing what had to be done in order to win games. His attitude was good too. He was not in the habit of bad mouthing other teams, refs, or people. In that way Ben has a very balanced attitude towards everything in life. A great character trait to have.

This year, he has turned 25. It is wonderful to see many of the positive character traits I saw already so many years ago develop and grow. He is married to a lovely woman, works hard at his job and volunteers at church. I see him at least twice a week and still enjoy his company. Our relationship is changing. I feel less like a mother who has to take care of him and more like an equal, although sometimes I'd like to take a comb to his hair and razor to his whiskers...

It's been quite a trip. When I held him in my arms 25 years ago, I never gave a thought to what life would be like having an adult for a son. While much about him has changed, it amazes me that my love for him remains as strong and fierce as it did the day he was born. I think that will always be the same.

And so, I'd like to wish a happy birthday to Ben. It is my hope and prayer that this year will bring you great joy, happiness and peace. That wish will always be the same.

Thursday Thirteen

1. Wes and I ate leftover Chicken Caesar Pasta for supper.
2. Sammy, the dog, had duck.
3. Sammy has developed an itchy, uncomfortable skin rash and the vet thinks he’s allergic to his food. Now we need to buy (very expensive) specialty dog food from the vet. As a result, we’ll be noshing on noodles and no name products while the dog dines on duck.
4. Pure bred dogs tend to get skin rashes.
5. I spent 2 ½ hours at the gym today. I feel good but a little tired. I don’t do this every day.
6. I met with a woman this afternoon that lost her husband when she was only 42 in a tragic accident. That was about 14 years ago.
7. Today I bought some dog clippers at Canadian Tire because they were on sale and I thought, “Hey, I cut the hair of my husband, sons, nephews and occasionally my brother-in-law, I can do the dog too.” It came with a DVD which I will watch after I’ve finished my Thursday Thirteen.
8. It was another, absolutely gorgeous fall day today.
9. We had our elm trees trimmed yesterday. The people who were climbing the trees looked like they were having a lot of fun.
10. Several weeks ago my neighbour was getting water in her basement and thought that she would have to replace her water line. It turned out it was our water line that was leaking and WE had to replace OURS. Ouch. That was expensive. She was happy but we weren’t although we now have much better water pressure than before.
11. Today, I took a day off of painting. I was getting pretty bored and tired of it. I’ll get back to it next week.
12. If it wasn’t for Yvonne, I would not be going to the gym as often as I do now. I would have probably quit.
13. We have 3 teenagers living with us and not one of them were here for supper today. That’s why Wes and I had leftovers.

Eric and his Hot Newish Car

When Eric started school, we gave him our 1991 Oldsmobile to drive. We had purchased it for $5,000 in 2001 and it was a good car. Old Betsy finally died near the end of August of 2006 and was promptly sent to the wreckers. This is Eric's new car. A Cavalier. As you can see, he is very proud of it. He bought it at the MPI auction for $800.00 and spent about another $400.00 in fixing it up (thanks Uncle George).

I'm told that it is not exactly a "hot" car. Eric will have to wait for that when he's finished school.

Happy travels Eric!

Darlene

I should be painting instead of blogging but it has been almost a month and I’m sure all my blogger friends are wondering just what it is that I am doing that is so important. I really want to get the painting done because the paint cans, brushes, ladders and other paraphernalia do not fit with my idea of décor.

But blog I must because I’m finally ready to tell you about Darlene.

Darlene has been a part of my life since I was born and while I always knew she was there, it wasn’t until I was an awkward and (I thought but really wasn’t) fat teenager that I began to notice her and hate her. It was Darlene that kept me from ever feeling beautiful and sexy. She would always get in the way of everything I was trying to do. She made it hard for me to put on my shoes, or find pants that fit. She kept me from buying clingy dresses and bikinis. When I walked or ran, she kept wiggling and jiggling long after the rest of me stopped. I tried my best to keep her out of pictures that were taken of me. She has embarrassed me many times and about 8 months ago, I decided that it was time to stop letting her do that.

So, I started going to the gym regularly and faithfully. I am mostly happy with the results except my stomach doesn’t seem to be shrinking much. I am 49 years old and have had 4 pregnancies, all resulting in healthy babies. One was almost 11 pounds. I am beginning to realize that my belly will always hold a prominent place in my body and in my life. I could continue to hate it and let it hold me back but instead, I’ve decided to name my belly Darlene and actually show her the love and respect that she deserves.

I have decided that I will no longer try to hide her. I shall wear clothing that shows her in all her glory. And I will no longer be embarrassed by her. I will accept her as she is. And should she shrink a little more, I will be happy but I will not obsess about her if she decides to stay around.

Darlene is like battle scars or old sports injuries. Pregnancies, unsuccessful attempts at dieting (which only caused me to gain weight) are all part of that lumpy, bumpy, jiggly stretch-marked flesh that is mine. I can let her embarrass me or I can be proud of the fact that she and I have survived and thrived through 49 years of living.

So Darlene, welcome. You may stay. However, the less I notice you, the better I will like it. I promise that I will no longer compare you to others. I will not be jealous of those cute, skinny women who have no idea what it is like to have a companion like you. I will no longer stare at my teenaged daughter and her friends, looking for their companions. And when Wes tells me that he loves Darlene too, I will believe him. And maybe, just maybe, I'll buy myself a biki...

Maybe not.

More Worms

We took out the baseboards so they'll need to be repainted and reinstalled.

The reason for Derrik's "Oh s***" is the fact that the island in the kitchen is crooked. Very crooked. We knew this before but the old floor had been installed before we noticed it, of course. The people who installed the old floor didn't seem to care much about how it looked. They just wanted to finish it. Fortunately, Derrik is a little more particular. What this meant is that last night Wes removed the island, or at least most of it as one cabinet couldn't be taken away because it is attached to the plumbing lines.

The island will be straight. That's good. Everything will look almost as good as new once it's all done but we've got a bit of work ahead of us, that's for sure.

I'm hoping that the can is empty now.

This Old House and a Can of Worms

Oh yes. The proverbial can of worms has been opened. We are supposed to get a much needed new kitchen floor. It was going to be easy. One day was all it would take.

Yesterday Derrick and his side kick (don't know his name yet) arrived at 3:45, just as I was going out the door to pick Kristen up from one job and take her to her other one. I asked them if they were here to start on the floor and Derrick responded by saying yes. His body language said, "Of course lady, what did you think I was doing here?" They were supposed to have come at 9:30 that morning.

(An aside: I have met a few floor installers over the years as we've done renovations a number of times in the various houses we've owned. Most of them seem to be pretty tough. Wes tells me that when his company is doing a job where criminal record checks are required, they often have trouble finding carpet layers who don't have a record. It's a hard job and I suppose somebody's got to do it. I feel perfectly safe with these guys around though. I've got Sammy to protect me.)


My protector.












In an older house, I can say without exaggerating, that every single time you do anything, it never goes exactly as you planned. Today is no exception. When Derrick and the other guy lifted the old vinyl flooring, the worms began spilling out of the can. They (Derrick and the other guy) were appalled, I say appalled, at what they found. The sub floor was not properly attached to the other part of the floor (I really don't know the proper terms for all of this). It was attached with, horrors, drywall screws. That's why there was so much squeeking (I hadn't really noticed. It's an old house after all. There are lots of squeeks. That's part of the charm.)

Anyway, this means that the kitchen will probably take 2 more days to finish and then the carpet that they will be laying will not happen until Monday. And this was all supposed to take 2 days.

Bill, the boss, came and checked things out and now, after consultation with the homeowners (me and Wes) we have decided to replace the sub floor too. It will be the cheapest way to do it. (Ha Ha. Cheapest. That's a good one. There won't be anything cheap about that.)
Oh well, we'll have a great sub floor. I think it's kind of like buying underwear. You spend a lot of money on something that people will not see but you really notice if it's not there or not the right kind.

I just heard Derrik say something like, "this is going to be a long drawn out process." Then he said something that sounded like, "Oh s***."

Oh dear. Maybe I'm looking at 3 more days before I have my kitchen back. I'll keep you posted (as if you care).

Happy Birthday Wes!

Forty-eight years ago today, the man who would most impact my life as an adult was born. I didn't know him until 19 years later and didn't really "know" him (in the biblical sense) until the day I married him, almost 27 years ago.

I'd love for Wes to write a "100 Things About Me" list but I'll just have to write something on his behalf. I won't try for 100 but I'll do my best to write a list to help you know him a little better.

1. Wes is the only person in this household who never loses socks. I have at least half a dozen singles in my drawer, hoping that their other halfs will show up. Wes has none.
2. He is a hard worker.
3. He often finishes up things that I have started and gotten bored with.
4. Once, when I was helping him move something heavy, he said to me, "Don't worry, it's not heavy, just awkward." Now, anytime anything has to be moved, people in our family use that line. Wes will never live that one down. It has become family legend.
5. He laughs out loud at movies. And I mean OUT LOUD. The rest of us are giggling silently but Wes guffaws.
6. He owned a blue volkswagen when I fell in love with him.
7. He was wearing brown, double knit pants when I first fell in love with him. I looked past the pants and saw the man underneath. (No smart comments on this one. You know what I mean)
8. I taught him that you could buy stuff at stores other than Woolco.
9. He was not too proud to wear the free shirts that you used to be able to get at SuperStore when you spent $250.00.
10. When the kids were young, he would almost always put them to bed.
11. He cleans up the supper dishes.
12. He used to do almost all the grocery shopping. Now, I'm in charge and he does only some of the grocery shopping.
13. He seldom complains.
14. He's only crabby when he's hungry so I try to make sure that supper is ready for him when he comes home.
15. He makes his own lunch.
16. He knows how to barbeque a rare steak.
17. He is very strong.
18. He always kisses me when he goes to work even if I have peanut butter in my mouth.
19. I can almost alway guess what he is going to order at a restaurant because it's usually the most unique item. I generally go with the more predictable choice. I often like his better.
20. He's neater than I am.
21. Sharing a dessert with him is good when I'm on a diet. He can eat a piece of cheesecake in 5 bites while I tend to eat it more slowly.
22. He is very willing to remove dead mice from traps.
23. He loves my sisters and their families.
24. He loves me, our children and our daughter-in-law.
25. When we go on trips, he makes sure that he has booked a hotel. We have only one story of being stranded late at night without a hotel to go to. If a car needs to be rented, he does that too.
26. He has never complained about my messiness.
27. He has taught me to slow down and to think before I speak. If I ask him a question, he often thinks about it for a while before he says something.
28. He has incredible patience, especially with cranky babies.
29. He has incredible patience, especially with a cranky wife.
30. He signed up to do the baking at church for a Sunday morning.

I could come up with 100 but I'll leave it at 30 for now because I want to post this today and I need to get some work done too.

Happy birthday Wes!

Waiting...

This morning, I got up early, anticipating the arrival and installation of my new kitchen floor. Last night Wes and I worked hard to get everything ready and now, the washer, dryer, frig and stove are in the dining room, the kitchen table and chairs are in the living room and other things can be found in strange places in my house.

Right now, it's 1:04 PM and my anticipation is waning. They're not here yet. I do not think that they could finish the kitchen in one afternoon so we'll be living in this disorganized mess for at least 2 days.

I keep having to remind myself that in a few days, everything will be neat and tidy and all of my stuff will have found it's proper place.

I hope.

More Homemaking News

In my post yesterday I suggested that there was somthing else I wanted to share with you. I just remembered. Did you know that people are beginning to do more of their own housework again? Yes. That's right. They are getting rid of the cleaning services and are finding value and a sense of accomplishment in doing their own housework. And what's more, THEY ARE POLISHING THEIR OWN SILVER AND DOING THEIR OWN WINDOWS.

Oh for the good old days when we had other people polishing our silver and washing our windows.

Tim washed a few windows for me the other day. Does that count as "doing your own?" Maybe I should pull out my silver and start polishing it.

Wait... I just remembered. I don't have any silver.

Linda's Decorating Tips

I normally go to the gym 5 days a week. No, I'm not one of THOSE kinds of people. I just know that it needs to be part of my daily routine or else I will not keep it up.

But this post is not about the gym. This post is about a television show you just may want to watch if you have the good fortune of being at home with nothing better to do than watch TV at 10:00 in the morning.

I don't watch much TV at home-usually the 10:00 news and if I can stay awake, the local news at 10:30. I am however, able to watch TV at the gym. I'm on the cross-trainer around 9:00 in the morning and I usually have several television show options. They are the Sports channel, children's TV (why that channel, I don't know. There isn't anyone younger than 18 there at that time), some entertainment show and something call City TV.

None of those shows really interest me but I generally end up watching City TV. It reminds me of the women's magazines that Heather loves to hate but it is in the form of a TV show. They usually have a guest on the show who talks about fashion, home decor, the latest plastic surgery available, food and anything else people (women) might find interesting. Today, I learned a great decorating tip that I would like to pass on to you, my blogger friends.

When you have a party at your home you would hate to run out of toilet paper, wouldn't you? (Collective nod of the head) Some people have a type of cylindrical holder by the toilet but that hides the toilet paper and your guests might not know that is where the extra TP is kept. (What kind of friends does she have?)

Well, our designer has come up with a cute fun way to keep your TP in plain sight. I have attempted to duplicate this but it wasn't easy. Designers always make things look so easy but really, they tend to be difficult to copy. Here is my effort:

To brighten it up, you're supposed to put silk flowers in the holes but I didn't have any. I've gotten rid of a lot of my junk so there was nothing I could put into the holes to show you just how attractive this might look in YOUR bathroom for your next event.

Actually, I was thinking of buying some OHenry bars and putting them in the holes. My guests might appreciate that.

There was one other tip that I found particularly interesting but I can't remember it right now. If I do, I'll post that at another time.

Eat your heart out Rena Nerbass!

Mouse Invasion

Every morning for breakfast, I eat half a bagel with peanut butter and jam. I've been having this for breakfast for more years than I can remember but I'm still not tired of it. Yesterday morning, this is what I found:
It was the last bagel in the house because yesterday was grocery day so I had to eat A PIECE OF TOAST INSTEAD! I was so disappointed!

Last year I wrote a piece about the vermin that comes into my house every fall season. I thought I'd re-post it for you all.

"The invasion has begun.The army that would like to conquer, chew and destroy has already sent at least 2 sentinels. We know they are still in the area because we have seen some evidence of their presence. Early one morning, Tim actually saw them but as it was 6:00 AM and he was moving a little slowly, he was unable to track them down.

You'd think they'd learn. You'd think their fathers and mothers, grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles and cousins would have let them know that although they might find some sustenance in certain locations of this house, they would eventually meet their demise here.

And so we begin the battle yet again. I pull out my arsenol, all nicely packaged together in a plastic bag. Death Traps, check. Sticky traps, check. Poison, check. Humane traps, check (although I still can't understand why my own husband would buy a mouse trap that allows the rodent to live so that it can be released-Where? Back into my house!) A plug-in thingy that apparently makes noise that only a mouse can hear. This one particularly takes the cake as I'm convinced that the sound attracts rather than repels this army.

I suppose that you can't really blame the poor critters. It's getting cold outside and like us humans, they like to live at ease, where the food is plentiful and the temperature is comfortable. They get all of this in my house. I have been told that I have a gift for hospitality and the mice seem to sense this. The food can easily be found in the bedrooms of certain residents of this abode, in the family room couch or under the fridge and stove in the kitchen. Mice really don't need much to keep them going-chocolate bar wrappers, cracker crumbs, even empty slurpee cups can seem like a feast to a cold and hungry mouse. We even leave nesting material around for them like clothes, blankets or paper on the floor. Last year, they spent some time in the boots of a teenage guest who was living with us but then decided to take up residence in her gym bag because the food and clothes, readily available, were preferable to the footwear.

The year we moved into this house we caught 17 mice in the fall. We had never had mice in any of our previous homes so we were unprepared for this onslaught and it was too late when we finally began fighting back. I think that was the year that word got around in the mouse community that our house was party central.

But I've learned. My nephew Joey frequently tells the story when "Auntie Linda killed 4 baby mice on the stairs with a toilet plunger." Actually it was a toilet brush and there were 5 mice (but who's keeping track anyway). As sickened as I was about this brutal murder, I just knew that if I didn't get them when I saw them, I'd be battling with their offspring in a few short months. And boy do they know how to procreate.

Today, I can say with a measure of certainty that I am smarter than a mouse. I have discovered tricks that will get a mouse every time or at least most times. This year, I'm ready. I've got traps loaded with my prefered ammo-peanut butter. I've laid them out in strategic locations and eagerly look forward to asking Wes or Tim to check the traps every morning before they leave for work. (I am a fairly independent, liberated woman. But when it comes to emptying mouse traps, I believe that it is a man's job. Fortunately both of the males I live with are willing to do this rather unpleasant job.)

So, the battle will continue until the snow falls or things freeze up around here. But I'm ready. Bring 'em on. I'll take care of 'em. Maybe they'll be smarter than their forefathers and foremothers and will tell the younger generation that the neighbour's house is far more appealing than mine."

ATM Etiquette

Yesterday I read a story in the Free Press about someone who had found money in a bank machine. The previous person must have forgotten to remove it and the finder was trying to track down the person who lost the money. Apparently, the bank can't even track it down.

This reminded me of a similar story that happened to me several years ago. I was in the car with Michele and we decided that we would go to one of those drive-thru ATMs. I had never used one before and was driving slowly as I was trying to figure out just where I had to go in and how close I had to be to the machine to reach the buttons.

There was an older model car behind me and the person driving it seemed very impatient with me because I wasn't moving too quickly. I thought he needed to learn a lesson so I slowed down even more and really took my time at the ATM. He seemed to be losing his patience with me but I didn't care. I figured he needed to learn to slow down.

Finally, I was finished my transaction, put the car in gear and started driving away towards the parking lot. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the man who had been behind me raced out of the stall at the ATM machine and began following me. I was frightened because I had heard stories of road rage and this guy, with his long stringy hair and dirty clothes fit my idea of a man out of control.

He began honking his horn and swerving around, and at one point I began to realize that he wasn't angry, he was just trying to get my attention. I slowed down and opened my window. He rolled down his window and handed me some cash-the cash I had left in the ATM machine. I thanked him, he nodded and went off to do his transaction.

I was embarrassed at my insensitive actions and wished that I could speak with the man and buy him a coffee but of course, that was not to be.

Who do you think learned a lesson that day?

For Tom and Becky

That Black Cloud

I went to the doctor today. The good news is that I am 13 pounds lighter than I was last year. Yippee!

The other good news is that she has extended my anti-depressant medication for another 5 months. I have been on this medication for about 2 months and I was not ready to blog about it until now. I figure if RLP can blog about depression then I can too.

It’s hard to know when it all actually started but I had been fighting a black cloud since the fall of 2005. It is likely longer than that but it was in September that I began thinking that this was more than just “the blues.” I hadn’t been sleeping well, I was having trouble controlling my eating, I had little energy and just felt kind of empty. What really troubled me though was that I couldn’t remember the last time I really laughed. Anytime something good would happen, or I’d have some fun, I just couldn’t appreciate it. I felt anxious and guilty all the time. I used up any energy I had in order to remain positive and upbeat.

I thought that anti-depressants might help and I spoke to a psychologist about it. She agreed that it was likely that I was depressed and that medication might be helpful. I don’t know if depression is genetic or not but my grandmother was on medication and I really think that my mom has been depressed so, it really should be no surprise to me that I too could be depressed.

Things at home were mostly pretty peaceful. Except for a few incidents with Kristen that I am not proud of, I did not yell or carry on too much. I did not cry a lot and I wasn’t suicidal. My greatest fear was that I would take medication and it wouldn’t help because I wasn’t depressed, I was just feeling sorry for myself and had to “suck it up.”

Within a week of starting my medication, I began to feel better. After about 2 weeks, I really began to notice a difference. I was laughing, I was having fun, I was sleeping and I began to feel happier. I did not have to use all of my energy to stay happy. Wes says that I’m more engaged at home now. Before, I was pretty quiet and chose to spend my time at home alone-reading or watching TV. Everything seemed to be a chore.

I am grateful for the many medications that are available these days. The one I’m taking has a few minor side effects-things I can easily live with. I have been enjoying the summer and have not been thinking too much about the fall. Hopefully I’ll be willing and ready to jump in and begin my work at the church. I just feel that this summer has been one of healing and joy. I’m enjoying my time at home and feel that I have become more balanced and content.

I was really hesitant to start down this path. It seems that depression is very common among women in North America. It seems strange to me that there are so many of us who need this kind of help. Why can that be? Are we just a bunch of wimps who just need to snap out of it? Are we so self absorbed that we cannot deal with a bit of stress and anxiety? Are we unable to deal with an imperfect world and so need to depend on a pill? Can I not accept the fact that life sucks sometimes and that I don’t always feel great?

I wonder how many people in Africa need to be on anti depressants. They say it’s a chemical imbalance of the brain. I’m sure that a chemical imbalance happens just as frequently in an African brain as in a North American brain.

I have no answers but I do know one thing. The pills are working and I am a happier, more content person today than I was a few months ago. I will continue taking them for as long as necessary and perhaps some answers may come to me as my brain becomes less fuzzy and I am able to think more clearly. I know one thing. My family has their mom back and I think that’s pretty important.

Depression is a tough thing. I am grateful that mine is not as debilitating as it can be for some people. There have been no thoughts of suicide or of hurting myself. But in its own way, this has been a hard road to follow. It is not something that you can see, like a broken arm or a bad cut. But it’s there and only the person who is experiencing it can really tell what it’s like. For me, it wasn’t too obvious. I was able to function fairly well. But the energy it took to remain positive was extreme. I’m getting my energy back and I’m grateful for the people around me who I’ve told who have given me so much encouragement and support. To have that kind of community around me is the best thing I could hope for. They know who they are and I am so thankful to them.

Okay. Last cute dog picture today. The dog cousins are bunking together although Jed is definitely more relaxed than Sammy-and it's Sammy's kennel!

I'm Alive and Doing Fine

This will be short. I just wanted to let all of my blogger friends know that I'm alive and doing fine. I haven't blogged for quite a while-there has been much other stuff to keep me occupied this summer. Like...

• the beautiful weather;
• the fact that we have a pool and when people come over to swim, I need to sit out there and provide them with stimulating conversation and companionship;
• watering my garden-It's been so dry here that it's hard to keep up;
• going to Assiniboine Park to watch "Ballet in the Park";
• renovating and fixing up the back porch;
• spending time with Kristen*
• enjoying time with Glenda and her family;
• reading. I've read 2 books (Time Traveller's Wife and The Twins of Trebeca) although I didn't really enjoy either one of them too much. They were okay but just okay. (I know that there will be some people who do not agree with me, especially with The Time Traveller's Wife.) I still love reading and even books that don't really grab me can still be entertaining.

*Until now, Kristen has been home quite a lot this summer. She hasn't been getting many shifts at Esprit, the store where she works. We have had a great time! We've been going to the gym, doing some shopping and just kind of hanging out. It's been just wonderful. She's still feeling well and I too am feeling content.

She just got another job at Aqua-Tech, a pool store. Eric's been working there for quite a few years and now Kristen is there. That means we will get our pool chemicals at a discount for a little bit longer. That's great and it's a good place to work. And Kristen will have a full time job until the middle of October. That is a good thing.

Monday night Jed came over to our house for a week. He's actually doing quite well. The mop and pail have been put to good use but as it's only in the kitchen, I don't mind too much (except when I step in it). And for Micah's information, there has been very little mounting going on.

Here's a picture of the dog cousins:

As you can see, Jed is howling as only a coon hound can howl and Sammy is looking rather pathetically at me. When I leave the fenced area of the back yard, they wait for me there, in the corner and look very sad until I return. Jed has taught Sammy how to whine and Sammy has taught Jed how to pace.

Oh well, at least they're getting along.