Darlene

I should be painting instead of blogging but it has been almost a month and I’m sure all my blogger friends are wondering just what it is that I am doing that is so important. I really want to get the painting done because the paint cans, brushes, ladders and other paraphernalia do not fit with my idea of décor.

But blog I must because I’m finally ready to tell you about Darlene.

Darlene has been a part of my life since I was born and while I always knew she was there, it wasn’t until I was an awkward and (I thought but really wasn’t) fat teenager that I began to notice her and hate her. It was Darlene that kept me from ever feeling beautiful and sexy. She would always get in the way of everything I was trying to do. She made it hard for me to put on my shoes, or find pants that fit. She kept me from buying clingy dresses and bikinis. When I walked or ran, she kept wiggling and jiggling long after the rest of me stopped. I tried my best to keep her out of pictures that were taken of me. She has embarrassed me many times and about 8 months ago, I decided that it was time to stop letting her do that.

So, I started going to the gym regularly and faithfully. I am mostly happy with the results except my stomach doesn’t seem to be shrinking much. I am 49 years old and have had 4 pregnancies, all resulting in healthy babies. One was almost 11 pounds. I am beginning to realize that my belly will always hold a prominent place in my body and in my life. I could continue to hate it and let it hold me back but instead, I’ve decided to name my belly Darlene and actually show her the love and respect that she deserves.

I have decided that I will no longer try to hide her. I shall wear clothing that shows her in all her glory. And I will no longer be embarrassed by her. I will accept her as she is. And should she shrink a little more, I will be happy but I will not obsess about her if she decides to stay around.

Darlene is like battle scars or old sports injuries. Pregnancies, unsuccessful attempts at dieting (which only caused me to gain weight) are all part of that lumpy, bumpy, jiggly stretch-marked flesh that is mine. I can let her embarrass me or I can be proud of the fact that she and I have survived and thrived through 49 years of living.

So Darlene, welcome. You may stay. However, the less I notice you, the better I will like it. I promise that I will no longer compare you to others. I will not be jealous of those cute, skinny women who have no idea what it is like to have a companion like you. I will no longer stare at my teenaged daughter and her friends, looking for their companions. And when Wes tells me that he loves Darlene too, I will believe him. And maybe, just maybe, I'll buy myself a biki...

Maybe not.