Yesterday, I had a problem. A pretty big problem. Some very well meaning people planned an outing for me that they thought I'd enjoy. My problem is that after checking the website of the speaker and of the conference, I was pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy it. I know that there will be many women at the conference who will be inspired, challenged and encouraged but this kind of thing is just not my "thing."

My problem though, is how to tell the people who planned this for me that I really didn't want to go. A wise woman suggested to me that I have 2 options: Either be true to myself or keep the peace.

To be true to myself would be to tell my friends that I could not attend this conference. To keep the peace, I would attend, paste a smile on my face and agree that the speaker was indeed funny, inspiring and challenging. While the second option would be easier in some ways, I knew last night that I had to decline the invitation. I'd want to explain why I couldn't go but the reasons for that run deep. I'm pretty sure that my friends would not understand and it would be hard for me to even articulate clearly why I couldn't go. Two hours out of my life is not a long time but there are values and principles that I hold which I would have to deny or set aside in order to participate in this conference.

(At this point some of you who have not clicked on the links for the speaker and conference might be wondering what kind of evil has she gotten herself into and who are her friends anyway? Just click on the links. Those of you who know me will understand)

I have been thinking a lot lately about my values, my passions, my principles and the things that are really important to me. It is for this reason that at this time, I have to decline the invitation. At this time in my life, I need to be true to myself and what I believe and let the chips fall where they may. There will likely be misunderstandings. I may be seen as arrogant. But I will have to live with that. I know that God understands where I'm coming from and that he knows my decision is one that I have made after prayer and consideration and with as much integrity as a fallen, broken, imperfect person can.

During this year, my year of Jubilee, I have decided that I can no longer do things in order to please others. I have spent most of my life doing that, afraid of standing up to people who might not understand where I'm coming from and afraid that they may no longer "like" me. I am realizing in a new way that what they think of me is not my problem, it's theirs. I know that God likes me, he actually loves me. A lot. And that is all that matters.

So, for today, I will be true to myself, to the person God created me to be.