Empty Nest

Saturday was an empty nest kind of a day.

I remember dreaming about having days like this when my kids were young. Back then, Saturdays and Sundays were full of cleaning, driving, playing, biking, swimming, play dates...Those were exhausting times. When the kids were really young, Wes and I would often find ourselves doing the dishes and laundry at 10:00 at night after they had all been put to bed.

On Saturday, I had the very kind of day that I used to dream about. Kristen was at a friend's house for much of the weekend. Tim was at his cousin's place all afternoon and as my sister fed him, I didn't need to worry about him. I went to my 12 step meeting (a highlight of my week) in the morning while Wes got groceries. During the afternoon, I read for a while, spent a few minutes with Ben, checked my email and made a few phone calls.

It seems to have happened overnight. My kids don't need me like they used to. Now, they need my car or my money for gas. They want to have parties where I can supply the junk food and the movies but they don't need me to provide the entertainment anymore. They ask for advice on occasion but don't necessarily take it. They can do their own laundry, cook their own dinner and put themselves to bed.

From the time our children are born we begin to teach them independence. We begin to prepare them for the day they move out. But how do we as parents prepare ourselves for the day they no longer need us? It seems to happen so fast. I'm not yet at the empty nest stage as Tim and Kristen will both be at home for a while yet but I am getting a taste of what it might be like. Will Wes and I be able to reconnect as a couple like we did before children? Apparently it happens that couples who have been married for more than 25 years will divorce because they have nothing in common after the children have left. Will we dread evenings and weekends because there are no volleyball games to watch, essays to edit or rides to juggle? Will life become boring?

So, the obvious question is: Do I like this emerging stage of my life?

Well, I'm not really sure. Saturday was a great day. I felt relaxed, refreshed and ready to face the world. I really enjoyed myself. But, I'm looking forward to this week when this old house will be filled with the sounds of my children again. Even if the sound is just the tap tapping of a keyboard, a guitar being strummed or the boom, boom, boom, of the music they're listening to. It sounds like home.

I suppose I'll survive when the last two finally move out. Maybe I'll need to find a hobby. Maybe I can go to evening meetings without feeling guilty that I'm not home, helping out with homework or at least keeping an eye on the computer.

What I can do is to enjoy these days now, when they come-live "one day at a time" as my 12 step friends say and then deal with the real empty nest only when it comes along. I have survived the other stages of my life, I think I can survive this one too. I know other people have and they quite enjoy their new freedom.

*My apologies to my friends with young children who would give their eye teeth for a day like this! I hope I don't sound like I'm whining or complaining.