What I Learned on my Summer Vacation

My folks both come from rather large families-mom with 7 siblings, dad with 6. But my parents are the only ones who immigrated to Canada. That means of course that I grew up without aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. There were times when I missed that extended family connection but we managed and created our own network of friends that became our family.

When I was 16, my parents bought me a plane ticket to Holland and I spent 6 weeks there. (I have a suspicion that they didn't know what to do with a cranky, selfish, angst-ridden teen so they sent me away for the summer.) I had a great time, meeting all my cousins and enjoying the attention of aunts and uncles. It was then that I met Mies, my mom's younger sister by 18 months, for the first time. She spoke fondly of her sister (mom) and that helped me to see my mother in a whole new way.

Mies talked about mom again when she came to Beamsville for the anniversary this summer. I learned that my parents always had a long-distance relationship. Dad was in the marines for 3 years and they wrote to one another during that time. Mom used to spend summers in Aalten, dad's home town, with some of her relatives so the families were known to each other. By the time dad finished his stint with the marines, mom, for reasons I still don't quite understand, broke up for the last time with dad. Dad did not admit that he was heartbroken but I suspect that he was because it was shortly after their break-up that he immigrated to Canada.


One night, Mies heard my mother crying in her bed. When Mies asked what was wrong, mom responded with, "I miss him!" Dad's sister Lien (who was also in Beamsville for the anniversary) was working in Amsterdam at the time and had come on several occasions to mom's place to visit so she was able to give mom an address. It was about a year later that mom started writing to him, they became engaged and she followed him to Canada. Mom arrived on December 20, 1954 and they were married 10 days later.


It was neat to hear Mies and mom talk about some of my mother's other suitors during those days shortly after the war. These poor young men had no idea how entertaining their letters were for my mother and her sisters. Mies, mom and Bep had us in stitches while they reminisced about the letters they as a group wrote to the young men in reply.

My brother and his wife made a huge contribution to this summer's celebration by creating a PowerPoint presentation for the anniversary. After it was finished, Mies came to me in tears, hardly able to express her feelings. She told me that when mom left for Canada, she thought that she might never see her sister again. In the 50s travel was not nearly as easy as it is today. The family was also unsure about this marriage. They hardly knew my dad. Their beloved sister was flying across the ocean to marry a man with whom she had hardly spent any time. On the day of their wedding, Mies, Bep and the rest of the family could only think of their sister and daughter and the huge risk she was taking. That day, there were many tears flowing in Amsterdam.

Mom and Mies and their husbands have seen each other often since 1954. My parents have remained loyal to one another since then. Their marriage has stood the test of time but during all those years, Mies has wondered.

What is it that kept mom and dad together for so long? Their marriage lasted but having lived with them for 23 years I saw a less than perfect relationship. Did they stay together out of loyalty, because of the children, because they made a commitment and would not back down? Did mom move away because she was so unhappy in Amsterdam and felt that this was the only way she could escape?


What Mies saw in the wedding pictures on the PowerPoint was a woman, beaming with happiness and love for her new husband. This was the first time that Mies had seen these pictures. For 50 years, she had wondered if her sister was happy. For 50 years, Mies was unsure that my mom had made the right decision. It took the viewing of old black and white photographs to prove to Mies that her sister had made the right decision.


I think the pictures showed Mies that my parents stayed married because there truly was passion and love in their relationship. Their committment to each other went beyond loyalty and staying together for the children. I'm glad that Mies was able to see that, so many years later.

Here are a few of my favourite pictures:

This is a picture of my mom leaving Amsterdam. The plane trip took 12 hours!

Don't they look like a happy couple?

And one of my current favourites of them: