A Visit to the Doctor

I've been trying to figure out why I feel so depressed today. The weather's been cool, cloudy and grey but usually that doesn't affect my mood. I have a great family, amazing friends and plenty to look forward to today but something's getting me down.

I wonder if it might have something to do with my doctor's appointment today. It's my yearly check up and when she asks me if I have any concerns about my health, I can honestly say no. I feel healthy and other than a few aches and pains that come as a result of added years, I don't believe there's anything wrong. I'm not worried about the blood test, the pap smear, the breast exam. My heart and lungs are healthy and my blood pressure's always been good. I'm proud of that one. Even when I was pregnant, my blood pressure was always where it should have been.

So what am I afraid of? That f****** (oops, had to say it) weigh scale. What is it about the numbers on that horrible machine that cause me shortness of breath and heart palpitations? I got rid of my own scale years ago because of what it did to me so now, only once a year do I have to step on that blasted square thingy, hold my breath and pray for a good number.

(Doesn't the scale look a little like some kind of torture machine to you? Those weights could really hurt a person if they were thrown. Or what if someone were to pick up the scale and say, smash it against the wall? It could really do some damage. Of course, I've never considered doing those kinds of things.)

All I want is for the number to be either the same or a little less than last year. I'd really like the number to be a lot less than last year but I know that it won't be.

So, I'm not worried about cancer, diabetes, a heart condition or hardening of the arteries. I think that maybe, when I'm in my 70's I'll need a hip replacement. I think that because of the many sunburns I've had over the years, that skin cancer could happen in my future. But I don't lose any sleep over these possibilities-things that can really, seriously affect my quality and length of life.

I'm worried about passing the "weigh scale test." It's those stupid numbers on the weigh scale that really won't affect my long term health that I'm fretting about. I should be concerned about the other, more real health concerns but no, all I can think about is stepping on the scale.

Well, I've made a decision. I will go to the doctor but I won't eat lunch before I go, I'll make sure I give her my urine sample before she weighs me and I'll wear my lightest clothes. That should definitely improve the numbers at least by 1/2 pound or so.

And then, I can stop worrying about it for another year.